I don’t know what lies have been sworn to here, but a Congress did exist. The country is understandably agitated. I request a recess.
The People don’t want a recess. Did they elect you govern the country?
Yes. My disloyal constituency failed me, and the lobbyists couldn’t be hidden.
Wasn’t this whole war over oil in the dessert?
The pilfering of filthy resources is a very serious occupation for Wall Street.
You were told that the Saudis hoard the oil. There was no need for war.
The profits were not imaginary. I don’t know anything about the Saudis.
Have you no recollection of a conversation with Dick Cheney? Didn’t he tell you that the Saudis hijacked the airplanes?
I remember he was grateful for his Halliburton profits. His bank account was low.
He’s in his penthouse. He can be flown up here in three hours if necessary. Shall we have him testify?
No, I… I don’t see any need of that. Now that I recall, he might have said something about the Saudis. I tortured many Arabs and Persians, and Dick Cheney was not the most reliable veep.
The country has no other recourse than to produce Dick Cheney’s portfolio.
There’s no need for that. He’ll only hide it offshore. All the Democrats were disloyal. They were always laughing at me. If the people wanted their freedom, they’d let them have it. Take the wrong war… defective geography. But they began spreading wild rumors about the Sheikh’s subjects.And then “Old H. Dubya” – I was to blame for the Bushs’ incompetence. Bill Clinton was the perfect president, but not The Shrubs. Ahh, but the oil, that’s where I had them! I proved with geometric logic that WMDs in Iraq existed. I could have produced those bombs. They were protecting some principle… naturally; I can only cover these things from Benghazi hearings. If I’ve left anything out, just ask me specific questions and I’ll be glad to lie about them one by one.