Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for April 01, 2023

Don’t worry, Ted knows the drill. On the other hand, if you have a boat maybe you should worry.

He shouldn’t have watched that documentary on woodpeckers. He’s so impressionable.

A wood boor.

Ted’s favorite riddle:

How much wood could a wood-plier ply, if a wood-plier could plywood… uh, ply wood?

Wooden you know: He’s a mostly harmless knothead who enjoys going against the grain and drilling down to solve hole problems… even if he’s not awl there.

Seems like the caption should read “isn’t made of wood” for a good laugh.

For some people, life is a drill a minute.

For others, the drill is gone.

(They hope.)

Mine has a wood core, but a steel exterior.

Bore-ing…

Ted…the peep hole maker!

Ted should not be allowed anything sharp or tool-like.

And why not? A couple of holes strategically placed is better than looking through the letter slot.

That’s a left-handed drill bit.

Pray Ted remembers how many NRA bumperstickers there are in his neighborhood!

This doesn’t augur well.

Ted’s on the level — he’s not afraid to give it his awl and auger in.

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I would never do something like that T…

When Ted gets sawdust in his eyes, he will be bored to tears.

Hey, I can’t top any of this, so I’ll just go for the Hemlock!

Ted is such a bore, er, borer.

Everyone braces for Ted’s visits. No one wants to be bit.

Don’t be alarmed. It’s only a drill.