Big Nate by Lincoln Peirce for September 10, 2001
"Girls, I have a couple of items to discuss with you." "Item One: I got a girlfriend over the summer, so I am officially unavailable." "In other words, don't set your sights on me, ladies, because the result will be heartache." "Item Two: Anybody got any extra food?" "You burn a lot of calories when you're this stupid."