Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for June 06, 2023

Rabbi, minister, priest walk into a deli… or was it a diner?

Worst joke ever!

When I was Calvin’s age, I used to say ‘okay’ after every sentence when I was telling a story.

Reminds me about the joke when the prisoners tell jokes to each other by just shouting out the joke’s number.

Jerry Seinfeld he isn’t.

That was painful.

Calvin shouldn’t have eaten all those leaded paint chips.

This reminds me of an episode of I LOVE LUCY, where Lucy tries to tell a funny story and fails miserably. Ricky then tells the anecdote successfully.

Lucy goes into a deep funk and the rest of the episode concerns others trying to cheer her up.

How simplistic story lines were then. But, in the ’50’s, mental depression wasn’t recognized as a disease.

There was a strip in which Calvin told Hobbes a joke about a man who said, “Heel!” to his dog and the dog replied, “You’re a fine one to talk.” Hobbes then asked Calvin, “How did the dog learn to talk?” This joke also has a talking dog but Hobbes doesn’t query the talking dog as he is left trying to imagine the actual joke.

I’d tell a few jokes, but it might get me kicked out.

Can’t wait for that book to come out!!

A guy walks into a bar and says “OW!”

This is exactly how my dear hubby tells jokes.

Yeasch ! THAT – Is just the way I try to tell a joke !

That was my mother – thanks for the memory!

I think I’ve heard that one before.

A blind man walks into a diner – he says sorry.

It was probably funnier than the real joke would have been…

That’s me. I can’t tell a joke to save my life.

this is me telling a joke LOL I am terrible at it

A doctor and a lawyer walk into a bar. The rabbi ducked.

“A Pakistani Fed Ex delivery man walks into a gay bar and says to the black Irish bartender, Hop Sing, “So how was your son’s bar mitzvah …”

I gave up on my attempts to write a joke that would offend everyone. I am sure that there would be some group that would be even more offended if I had left them out.

Cal is seldom at a loss for words. Mark it on the calendar

Not as bad as Bob Weir’s Yellow Dog story.

So, a blonde, a sailor, a nun and a penguin walk into a bar.

Barkeep looks up and says ‘’What is this, some kinda joke?’’

Two guys walk into a bar. The first guy says to the second, “I didn’t see it either.”

After a hard day working in the mine mining coal, a guy walks into a bar for a cold beer.

The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors here.”

So the coal miner splits the bartender’s head open with his pick ax.

Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa!

Screaming funny . . . again :-D

Not a comedian I see.

Just smile, nod, then walk away….

Ten dollars, same as in town.

A rabbit, a priest, and a minister walked into a bar. The bartender asked the rabbit what he wanted,. The rabbit replied, “I have no idea. I wouldn’t even be here if not for autocorrect.”

What did the duck say after he bought some chapstick? “put it on my bill!”

LOL… Calvin the stand-up comedian… ummm.. NOT.

Ha! Ha! Ha! That was a great one. I’m bustin’ a gut over it.

Trump joke.

Marlin from Finding Nemo can relate.

I’m going to imagine something filthy.

The thing is, I get it.

Sounds exactly like my wife trying to tell the same joke.

A Brat, a stuffed Tiger and amnisiac, walk into a comic strip………

He’s laughing on the inside.

So a C, an E-flat and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

Calvin tells jokes like I do. That’s why I don’t tell jokes. I’m much more of a punster.

I had a boss who loved jokes. He would painfully work his way through a one-minute joke and then not be able to remember the punchline. His heart was in the right place, though.

ya know when you just have to say something really funny to someone, and when you finaly get the chance, you forget it?

“My dog has no nose.”

“How does he smell?”

“Just awful.”

laughs himself to death

A bull walks into a bar. The man from China says, “Someone is telling this joke wrong.”

I don’t know if I like the fact I share something with Calvin; I can’t tell jokes well either.

A man walks into a bar.Ouch.

The template isn’t enough.

Two guys are hunting out in the woods. One guy grabs his chest and falls to the ground. His friend calls 911 in a panic and says, “I think my friend is dead”. The operator says to calm down, take a deep breath and she will help him. The operator says “Okay, first make sure he is really dead”. Then she hears, BANG, and the guy says “Okay, now what?”.

Calvin needs to understand the joke first. I stay away from jokes not my field.

I really wanted to hear that joke.

So a pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, Hey Hey, I can’t have you in here! You’ll have to leave." The jumper cables whine, “Aw man! Why’s that?” Bartender replies, “Because I know you just came in here to start something.”

I can think of a good joke, but I don’t wanna get flagged.