Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for June 06, 2023

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    BE THIS GUY  6 months ago

    Rabbi, minister, priest walk into a deli… or was it a diner?

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    codycab  6 months ago

    Worst joke ever!

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    su43dipta  6 months ago

    When I was Calvin’s age, I used to say ‘okay’ after every sentence when I was telling a story.

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    Bilan  6 months ago

    Reminds me about the joke when the prisoners tell jokes to each other by just shouting out the joke’s number.

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    Johnny Q Premium Member 6 months ago

    Jerry Seinfeld he isn’t.

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    Ivy Valory Premium Member 6 months ago

    That was painful.

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    JudasPeckerwood  6 months ago

    Calvin shouldn’t have eaten all those leaded paint chips.

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    snsurone76  6 months ago

    This reminds me of an episode of I LOVE LUCY, where Lucy tries to tell a funny story and fails miserably. Ricky then tells the anecdote successfully.

    Lucy goes into a deep funk and the rest of the episode concerns others trying to cheer her up.

    How simplistic story lines were then. But, in the ’50’s, mental depression wasn’t recognized as a disease.

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    Calvinist1966  6 months ago

    There was a strip in which Calvin told Hobbes a joke about a man who said, “Heel!” to his dog and the dog replied, “You’re a fine one to talk.” Hobbes then asked Calvin, “How did the dog learn to talk?” This joke also has a talking dog but Hobbes doesn’t query the talking dog as he is left trying to imagine the actual joke.

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    minty_Joe  6 months ago

    I’d tell a few jokes, but it might get me kicked out.

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    markkahler52  6 months ago

    Can’t wait for that book to come out!!

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    Purple People Eater  6 months ago

    A guy walks into a bar and says “OW!”

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    johnjoyce  6 months ago

    This is exactly how my dear hubby tells jokes.

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    lmuller7  6 months ago

    Yeasch ! THAT – Is just the way I try to tell a joke !

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    More Coffee Please!  6 months ago

    That was my mother – thanks for the memory!

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    The Famous Eccles  6 months ago

    I think I’ve heard that one before.

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    Prey  6 months ago

    A blind man walks into a diner – he says sorry.

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    jagedlo  6 months ago

    It was probably funnier than the real joke would have been…

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    Ol' me  6 months ago

    That’s me. I can’t tell a joke to save my life.

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    door72067  6 months ago

    this is me telling a joke LOL I am terrible at it

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    ajr58(1)  6 months ago

    A doctor and a lawyer walk into a bar. The rabbi ducked.

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    dflak  6 months ago

    “A Pakistani Fed Ex delivery man walks into a gay bar and says to the black Irish bartender, Hop Sing, “So how was your son’s bar mitzvah …”

    I gave up on my attempts to write a joke that would offend everyone. I am sure that there would be some group that would be even more offended if I had left them out.

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    sandpiper  6 months ago

    Cal is seldom at a loss for words. Mark it on the calendar

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    mfrasca  6 months ago

    Not as bad as Bob Weir’s Yellow Dog story.

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    Redd Panda  6 months ago

    So, a blonde, a sailor, a nun and a penguin walk into a bar.

    Barkeep looks up and says ‘’What is this, some kinda joke?’’

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    vaughnrl2003 Premium Member 6 months ago

    Two guys walk into a bar. The first guy says to the second, “I didn’t see it either.”

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    Count Olaf Premium Member 6 months ago

    After a hard day working in the mine mining coal, a guy walks into a bar for a cold beer.

    The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors here.”

    So the coal miner splits the bartender’s head open with his pick ax.

    Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa!

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    Jhony-Yermo  6 months ago

    Screaming funny . . . again :-D

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    kathleenhicks62  6 months ago

    Not a comedian I see.

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    brick10  6 months ago

    Just smile, nod, then walk away….

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    aerotica69  6 months ago

    Ten dollars, same as in town.

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    flagmichael  6 months ago

    A rabbit, a priest, and a minister walked into a bar. The bartender asked the rabbit what he wanted,. The rabbit replied, “I have no idea. I wouldn’t even be here if not for autocorrect.”

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    Meowise  6 months ago

    What did the duck say after he bought some chapstick? “put it on my bill!”

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    g04922  6 months ago

    LOL… Calvin the stand-up comedian… ummm.. NOT.

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    smsrt  6 months ago

    Ha! Ha! Ha! That was a great one. I’m bustin’ a gut over it.

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    onespiceybbw  6 months ago

    Trump joke.

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    BiggerNate91  6 months ago

    Marlin from Finding Nemo can relate.

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    John Jorgensen  6 months ago

    I’m going to imagine something filthy.

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    Calvins Brother  6 months ago

    The thing is, I get it.

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    Old27F20  6 months ago

    Sounds exactly like my wife trying to tell the same joke.

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    christelisbetty  6 months ago

    A Brat, a stuffed Tiger and amnisiac, walk into a comic strip………

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    anomaly  6 months ago

    He’s laughing on the inside.

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    Snolep  6 months ago

    So a C, an E-flat and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

    A D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

    E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.

    So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

    The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

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    The Fly Hunter  6 months ago

    Calvin tells jokes like I do. That’s why I don’t tell jokes. I’m much more of a punster.

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    mistercatworks  6 months ago

    I had a boss who loved jokes. He would painfully work his way through a one-minute joke and then not be able to remember the punchline. His heart was in the right place, though.

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    bigboinate  6 months ago

    ya know when you just have to say something really funny to someone, and when you finaly get the chance, you forget it?

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    Redd Panda  6 months ago

    “My dog has no nose.”

    “How does he smell?”

    “Just awful.”

    laughs himself to death

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    The Wolf In Your Midst  6 months ago

    A bull walks into a bar. The man from China says, “Someone is telling this joke wrong.”

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    Mel-T-Pass Premium Member 6 months ago

    I don’t know if I like the fact I share something with Calvin; I can’t tell jokes well either.

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    hornacek  6 months ago

    A man walks into a bar.Ouch.

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    willie_mctell  6 months ago

    The template isn’t enough.

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    locake  6 months ago

    Two guys are hunting out in the woods. One guy grabs his chest and falls to the ground. His friend calls 911 in a panic and says, “I think my friend is dead”. The operator says to calm down, take a deep breath and she will help him. The operator says “Okay, first make sure he is really dead”. Then she hears, BANG, and the guy says “Okay, now what?”.

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    Night-Gaunt49[Bozo is Boffo]  6 months ago

    Calvin needs to understand the joke first. I stay away from jokes not my field.

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    StevePappas  6 months ago

    I really wanted to hear that joke.

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    cheap_day_return  6 months ago

    So a pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, Hey Hey, I can’t have you in here! You’ll have to leave." The jumper cables whine, “Aw man! Why’s that?” Bartender replies, “Because I know you just came in here to start something.”

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    EmeraldKitsune943  6 months ago

    I can think of a good joke, but I don’t wanna get flagged.

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