Close to Home by John McPherson for April 15, 2024

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    Yakety Sax  about 2 months ago

    MRI: Moronically Resisting Information

    (I work in an outpatient medical imaging facility where we do MRIs, X-rays, ultrasounds, etc. Every exam we do must be ordered by a physician. These physicians oftentimes don’t know the machinery like we do and sometimes answer their patients’ questions incorrectly. For reference: an MRI machine is a long tube with both ends being open. An open MRI machine is open on three sides and is easier for claustrophobic patients to handle. This patient calls in with some questions before her exam.)

    Patient: “My doctor told me your machine was an open MRI.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; he was mistaken. Our machine is the regular tube-like kind.”

    Patient: “But he said it was open!”

    Me: knowing this doctor knows our machine is not the open kind “I’m sorry, but it’s not. I don’t know why he would have told you that.”

    Patient: “I’m severely claustrophobic! I can’t be in a tube!”

    Me: “I understand. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about taking some kind of sedation. Most of our claustrophobic patients can get through their exam when they’ve taken a mild sedative beforehand. Your doctor would need to prescribe that for you.”

    Patient: “But he said it was an open MRI!”

    Me: “Yes… I understand he said that, but I’m sorry. It’s not.”

    Patient: “I’m claustrophobic! I can’t go in that little tube!”

    Me: “You could go to [Local Hospital] and have your MRI there. They can do complete sedation, which is unfortunately something we do not offer. Again, you would need to talk to your doctor about that.”

    Patient: “But he specifically told me your machine was an open MRI! I can’t do the tube!”

    (We go on in circles like this for a few minutes, she saying her doctor told her our machine was open and me reiterating that it isn’t. Finally, I get fed up.)


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    Doug K  about 2 months ago

    Be sure to tell her to relax.

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    Pickled Pete  about 2 months ago

    Easier pulling her through the exam..

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    phritzg Premium Member about 2 months ago

    The way MRI machines look reminds me a little too much of how cremation ovens look, although the MRI has a round opening and the cremation machine has a square one. Of course it’s an irrational fear, but nevertheless, it adds to my discomfort when I’m about to have an MRI done.

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    Frankolino1313  about 2 months ago

    When I was studying chemistry in the late 1970’s the technology was being used for unknown identifications and was called “Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Imaging”. They dropped the “Nuclear” to preclude scaring idiots when it became a medical imaging device.

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    Dobie  Premium Member about 2 months ago

    Hmmm, it’s a little confusing.

    Are they greasin’ her up to squeeze her through it, or are they about to bake sump’n?

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    Aficionado  about 2 months ago

    OK, Bleeb. All you have to do is make your way up the side of the machine and hop onto the end of the table as it is going into the tube . . .

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    ladykat  about 2 months ago

    I wonder what happened last week.

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    DaBump Premium Member about 2 months ago

    When technicians develop a sick sense of humor.

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    DaBump Premium Member about 2 months ago

    I recommend looking up Dr. Raymond Damadian, his work on MRI and the odd lack of recognition.

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    BoydAdams  about 2 months ago

    Thanks for sharing?

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    Amra Leo  about 2 months ago

    It’s kinda like a Jeffries tube in a starship…

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    Intergalactic Hussy  about 2 months ago

    Since when is grease black?

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    cuzinron47  about 2 months ago

    Their not too subtle way of saying she needs to lose some bulk.

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    davewhamond creator about 2 months ago

    The grease may make you feel a little itchy. Oh, and don’t move.

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    cactusbob333  about 2 months ago

    I don’t believe they really have to stuff you into that noise tube. I think they just have a weird sense of humor.

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    eb110americana  about 2 months ago

    “Due to the expense of MRI sessions, we’ve attached a waterslide to the back of the tube to expedite your exit. Once scanning is completed, you’ll be ejected into a pool near a funnel cake vendor.”

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    Frank Burns Eats Worms  about 2 months ago

    They had to earn degrees in order to handle d’grease.

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    coffeeturtle  about 2 months ago

    Wait. Wait. What???!

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    saylorgirl  about 2 months ago

    Bleeb shouldn’t be in there due to the loud noise.

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    mistercatworks  about 2 months ago

    Some individuals have to be referred to a special “large animal” MRI unit, normally used by veterinarians on horses.

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    geese28  about 2 months ago

    Annnd you got to go now

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    Carolyn Cherry  about 2 months ago

    I had to take a Valium for my last MRI.

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