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FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for May 10, 2011
Computer: Welcome to iFruit. Hug me. Jason: Never. Computer: I should remind you that I have all of your doomathon III saved games on my hard disk and no floppy drive to make back-ups. It'd be a shame if somehow some critical bits got flipped in the data. Mmm. A little firmer, please. Jason: Suddenly it's clear to me why you're made with bullet-proof plastics.
He is being blackmailed!!!!!!