Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for February 02, 2023

…girl power, yeah!..

…what Joe didn’t tell her…

…he liked watching her behind…

…er…

…I mean from behind…

…the unwoke sexist dog…

…um…

…no offense against dogs…

…I like dogs…

…I have a dog…

…one thing both Republicans & Democrats agree on is the definition of Woke…

…Woke: the realization that there are more than just straight white people in America…

…I like the curved ones myself…

…I mean as I run behind Jessica…

…look at those curves…

…lame, I know…

Well, I hope he was mad at himself for not training harder and being a better person through dedicated effort.

Nobody ever complains about transgender females ruining men’s sports.

I bet he doesn’t rhyme stuff as well either.

Disappointing prizes to win:

—A genuine Ziggy® signed bath mat.

—The cheesy bread recipe Martha Stewart refused to use.

—Mr. Green Jeans’s green jeans.

—Kevin McCarthy’s desk plaque that says “I Bend Over!”

—A Commodore 64.

Prizes I wouldn’t mind winning:

—A guitar pick Frank Zappa once used. (Actually, that might have some monetary value, so might not qualify.)

—The U.S. map place mat that Homer Simpson was looking at when he said, “Oooh, there’s a New Mexico!”

—One of the commemorative pens Biden used to sign The Respect for Marriage Act. (Also might not qualify.)

—A field guide to Horace Horse’s elevators.

—Any promotional material that actually convinces someone to go to a Rockies ball game.

—An overcast day in Punxsutawney.

He’s sad, he’s been had!

But she’s glad, ‘cause he’s a cad!

Don’t get mad, get glad female napkins. Home run napkins. The pain, the pain, stays only on the 911 plane.

next, step on him

Nike has come a long ways since then …!

So who came in THIRD?

Reminds me of when I’d write home from college

" No mon – no fun, Your Son "

And the reply was always:

" So sad, too bad, Your Dad "

He got second place. You were next to last.

She’s manly – he’s girly – look at their hands.

Geez, Louise! Where’d you get your spiffy racing duds? A sponsorship tie-in?

As for him, at least he looks the part of frustrated trackman….