Herman by Jim Unger for August 15, 2024

That is especially important after winning the lottery.

No Blood Diamonds? They Will Be…

The jewelry store I worked at had its own credit card. When we had special events, we’d call our cardholders to let them know. While we mostly left messages because people weren’t home, we occasionally got a person.

A woman answers the phone, and we ask for her husband (his name on the credit card).

Customer’s Wife: “I’ll take a message.”

I provide some information about the event.

Customer’s Wife: “Okay, but why are you calling?”

Me: “Your husband has a credit card with us, so we’re just letting him know about the event.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, he does? Hmm. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be sure to pass on the message.”

A little while later, the husband calls and starts screaming at us:

Customer: “Why did you tell my wife that I have a credit card with you?! I’ve never bought jewelry for her from you! Now I gotta buy something and tell her it was for her all along! What’s your cheapest necklace?!”

Now you might question why we talk to not-the-card-holder, but we made hundreds of calls per event and didn’t have any note about not calling him. Plus, when he registered, he gave us his home number, not his cell.

Dad? (my dad had to hide money from mom, because she would spend everything she could lay her hands on)

Sounds like a really healthy marriage.

He has a good plan to be able to save some money.

A better disguise is the sunglasses with the big nose attached

You could paint your face in stripes.

Applies even more to ex-wife!

what’s a knab anyway??

Maybe you should wear a mask.

“I’m not really a headless horseman, Officer. That was just ny 5-times-great Grampa Irving, who was a lunatic. I’m just a Ninja Turtule.”

Chances are, she’ll find his car in the parking lot.

A married man and his money are soon parted.

Do people actually go into banks anymore? Check the internet and google his accounts, then clean them out.