Lucky Cow by Mark Pett for December 14, 2003
Leticia: Have you done your christmas shopping yet, Elvin? Elvin: I'm not giving presents this year. Neil: I'm making all my presents this year! Elvin: I resent that people expect presents from me because it's Christmas! Neil: First, I take a pine cone... Elvin: it's that sense of entitlement that's ruining this country! Neil: And I squirt toothpaste on it... Elvin: So guess what, Aunt Sophie, you're getting a hearty "Merry Christmas" and a pat on the back... Neil: Presto! It's an air freshener! Elvin: Yep, see if you can return that to Dillard's! Leticia: Elvin, there'd be a lot of sad children if you were Santa. Neil: In a pinch, it doubles as a spare toothbrush!