Matt Bors for September 28, 2009
The best-selling edition of The Bible is being updated for 2011 with language that will be more GENDER NEUTRAL. Man #1: NO! BOYS ONLY! Man #2: Women should be domesticated pets! It is all according to GOD'S WILL, as we took a course in women's studies at Yale this last semester. God: Had I read Dworkin or Steinem earlier, I totally would have spared Lot's wife. WOLF SEXTON ATWOOD THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE Despite lingering questions, God's gender will remain MALE in the updated text. God: I'm not REALLY a dude, but I have to appear like one for PR purposes. If the creator let THAT secret out of the bag, his whole flock would turn atheist! Man #3: I ain't worshippin' no HERMAPHRODITE! Woman: Keep this SMUT away from children!
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