Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 30, 2013

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    Sherlock Watson  over 9 years ago

    Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.And all the king’s horses and all the king’s menHad omelets.

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    Bilan  over 9 years ago

    As if a story about a boy cracking his head open isn’t gruesome enough.

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    Yammo Premium Member over 9 years ago

    Oh gosh…the electric chair gives me the creepers

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    Three Steps Over Japan  over 9 years ago

    Rat! Do another one! Do another one! Teach about government funding!

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    margueritem  over 9 years ago

    Rat’s tales have a moral.

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    amyhre2001  over 9 years ago

    Jack and Jill went to The HillTo pay the congressmen offJill was poorerSo Congress ignored herAnd Jack just sat there and scoffed.

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    AlnicoV   over 9 years ago

    Mary had a little lamb, she liked it so very well. Then she got some dynamite and blew it straight to……….

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    orinoco womble  over 9 years ago

    I might have found this amusing if we hadn’t had a murder case similar to this lately. Except it was a mother who strangled her 12-yr-old adopted daughter because the grandparents were leaving it all to the girl. Tragic business.

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    Sisyphos  over 9 years ago

    I rather like Rat’s effort at versification, though his rhythm is a tad irregular (especially in that last line). And as many commentators have already noted in their own ways, there are no merely “children’s” nursery rhymes, as most have a complex subtext or backstory. One interesting source is The Annotated Mother Goose, by W.S. and C. Baring-Gould (1962; 1967), suggesting “jack and Gill” [sic] might refer to Cardinal Wolsey and Bishop Tarber….Anyway, carry on, Rat!

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    chris_weaver  over 9 years ago

    Finally, justice for Jack!

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    MadMarty_666  over 9 years ago

    today I actually LIKE rat…. now I’m feeling creepy ;))

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    dadoctah  over 9 years ago

    Mary had a little lambThat was one of the largest.They caught her with it late one nightAnd brought her up on charges.

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    orinoco womble  over 9 years ago

    And here was me thinking my sister made that up!Another one:Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,eating her curds and whey.Along came a spider, which sat down beside her,And she beat it to death with her spoon.

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    theorgandude  over 9 years ago

    Hickory, Dickory DockThe Rat looked at the clockThe clock struck twoThe bartender stewedcause Rat ordered five more shots of beer.

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    kd1sq Premium Member over 9 years ago

    Simple Simon met a Pie manGoing to the Fair

    Said Simple Simon to the Pie man“Pray Sir, what have you there?”

    Said the Pie man to Simple Simon“Pies, you fool!”

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    JudyAz  over 9 years ago

    When Mary had a little lamb,The doctor was surprised,But when Old MacDonald had a farm…

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    JudyAz  over 9 years ago

    Hickory Dickory DockThree mice ran up the clockThe clock struck oneAnd the rest escaped with minor injuries

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    Enoki  over 9 years ago

    I like Andrew Dice Clay’s version better:.Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter.Jill came down with two fifty!

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    Carl Rennhack Premium Member over 9 years ago

    @shep4u—Mary had a little lamb…& the obstetrician called Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

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    Carl Rennhack Premium Member over 9 years ago

    I wonder if Jill went to the chair the way Jimmy Cagney did in “Angels With Dirty Faces”!

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    dieseldude  over 9 years ago

    I hope kids don’t read this strip

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    flashnzoom  over 9 years ago

    Jack and Jill went up the hill they both had a quarter.

    Jill came down with fifty cents Do you think Jack bought water?

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    finale  over 9 years ago

    Mary. Mary the ApothecaryWhat does your garden grow?High grade w**dSince I moved to Colo-rah-do

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    Digital Frog  over 9 years ago

    Actually, one of my favorite PB4S strips is Rat’s second verse to Little Miss Muffet:Then Muffet went backAnd cehcked her gun rack,grabbing a .357Finding the spiderShe sat down be side herAn blew that poor sucker to heaven.

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    dzw3030  over 9 years ago

    Jack was nimbleBut not so quickHe burned his rearOn a candle stick.

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    Ermine Notyours  over 9 years ago

    Little pig, little pig, through this door let me pass.Not by the hair of my little pig’s…

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    ellisaana Premium Member over 9 years ago

    “Oh, pick a pock of peach pits,Pockets full of pieForeign twenty black boardsBaked until they cry..Winnipeg was open,The burst again to sing.Oh, worsen that,A Danish ditchWas two-by-four the King..

    The King was in a pallor,Counter fitting moneys.The Queen was in a tizzy,Reading all the funnies..The maid was in the garden,Hanging by her toes.Along came a north windAnd that’s the way she froze.".Walt Kelly from The Pogo Stepmother Goose.copyright 1954

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    Kathy Freeman  over 9 years ago

    Mary had a little lamb.Her father shot it dead.Now Mary carries that lamb to schoolBetween two hunks of bread.

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    Packratjohn Premium Member over 9 years ago

    New rule: 50 point penalty if you write something that is a duplicate of an earlier comment. I wasted 7 seconds today reading basically the same thing twice. That’s 7 seconds I’ll never get back! The time it takes to write this comment, however, will be added to my life span.

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    ChihiroRoseBud  over 9 years ago

    That’s actually still not as dark as some nursery rhymes and fairy tales I could mention.

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    Vet  over 9 years ago

    I love it. Now put a polar bear and some penguins in it and you will have something there Mr. Pastis.

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    CashewJim  over 9 years ago

    Jack and Jill went up the hill, They each had a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two and a half. They didn’t go up for water.

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    cdward  over 9 years ago

    Mary had a little lamb, and potatoes and green beans on the side.

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    Number Three  over 9 years ago

    Too right he shouldn’t!

    This rhyme was quite funny though.

    xxx

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    Dr Lou Premium Member over 9 years ago

    Rat might now be able to run for Congress from Texas.

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    1MadHat Premium Member over 9 years ago

    Go to Project Gutenberg & read the early translations of H. C. Anderson & the Brothers Grimm. Lots more weird stuff there, and all free!

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    tbritt99  over 9 years ago

    Hickory Dickory Dock.3 mice ran up the clock. The clock stuck one,2 others escaped with minor injuries & sued.

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    Enoki  over 9 years ago

    Mary had a little lamb,a little beef, a little ham…Mary was a member of PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals).

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    mdblanche  over 9 years ago

    Perhaps Rat could write for The Newgate Calendar: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Newgate_Calendar

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    Woody157  over 9 years ago

    Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,eating her curds and whey.Along came a spider, which sat down beside her,And she beat it o death wit habit soup spoon,

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    siscokidinmn  over 9 years ago

    Jack and Jill went up the hill, they both had a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with 2 and a half, and they didn’t go up for water.

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    JR6019  over 9 years ago

    Jack and JillWent up the hill,To fetch a pail of water,Jack fell down,And broke his crown,And Jill yelled ’Shmuck, I told you to get indoor plumbing.

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    Darth Revan II  about 2 years ago

    I’d make a rhyme of my own, but I don’t have a rhyme for “lightsaber”.

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