Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 15, 2015
Pig: Guard duck! You've been gone forever! Where have you been? Guard duck: I've retired from the military and moved to the woods. Now I'm writing a scholarly treatise on my time in the service. Pig: Sounds important. Can I see what you have so far? Guard Duck: Of course. I blew $#!# up. Guard Duck: The rest will be filler.