Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 06, 2022

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    BE THIS GUY  3 months ago

    If the bird stays there too long, couple dozen people with cameras with zoom lenses are going to show up to photograph him.

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    Renatus Profuturus Frigeridus Premium Member 3 months ago

    Alfred Hitchcock was a prophet.

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    ronaldspence  3 months ago

    that is what you call a real tweet!

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    BasilBruce  3 months ago

    So that’s why Snoopy always had Woodstock around—to be his bodyguard!

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    David_the_CAD  3 months ago

    Try running for political office.

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    B UTTONS  3 months ago

    It has control of a weapon of mass destruction: Tweets

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    Jesy Bertz Premium Member 3 months ago


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    SeanD is hot Premium Member 3 months ago

    OOPSIES!! I BBQd a descendent of a dinosaur tonight

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    Gent  3 months ago

    Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us.

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    Gent  3 months ago

    Whadya knows. Me has been eating dinosaur kebabs all along.

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    david.bruce  3 months ago

    Did Hitchcock know that?

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    salakfarm Premium Member 3 months ago

    They may be small, but in large numbers, they can be pretty scary. Just ask Tippi Hedren.

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    Alexander the Good Enough  3 months ago

    Find out about cassowaries and the ancestry of birds will become clear. They put little Guard Duck to shame.

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    efkasper  3 months ago

    A quick photo, some basic Photoshopping, and then posting as a clickbait thumbnail – and people will start believing it.

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    Captain Colorado  3 months ago

    The odds of you being killed by a bird are very low but are never zero."

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    shanen0  3 months ago

    Hmm… I tried to click on the “Hire Stephan” link and got a “Page not found” message from WordPress.

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    jaydogg187  3 months ago

    Alfred Hitchcock would back them up.

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    fredd13  3 months ago

    Nope. Second time in a fortnight.

    Tyrannosaurus Rex was a theropod. And, yes, current thinking is that birds are descended from theropods. Just… not THAT one.

    It’s a bit like saying we’re descended from the woolly rhinoceros just because they’re extinct and we’re both placental mammals. Or that you’re descended from royalty because your 17-times great grandfather was once horsewhipped by William the Conqueror’s master of hounds.

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    Denver Reader Premium Member 3 months ago

    T-rex wasn’t the deadliest and certainly wasn’t the largest. Of course, not sure how we define deadliest. Moreover, modern birds didn’t descend from T-rex though the two shared a common dinosaur ancestor.

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    iggyman  3 months ago

    The little bird has a Napolean complex!

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    alien011  3 months ago

    They definitely have a chance. I mean, as a kid there was nothing scarier than a swan running towards you.

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    Troglodyte  3 months ago

    This is exactly why you shouldn’t believe every tweet!

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    WMORAN1  3 months ago

    There are a lot of people who boast about the accomplishments of their ancestors…

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    einarbt  3 months ago

    Alfred Hitchcock covered this well.

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    nikodelrey  3 months ago

    Perhaps a new killer bird flu mutation spreading to humans

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    WaitingMan  3 months ago

    There actually exists a conspiracy theory these days that says that birds aren’t real.

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    Squoop Premium Member 3 months ago

    Actually you really don’t want to mess with a falcon or eagle.

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    mgraves  3 months ago

    Wait … I thought that birds weren’t real? (I had to ask the internet about that, the first time I saw a shirt saying “Birds aren’t real”. Apparently, it is a conspiracy theory joke. It is nice, under my rock.)

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    Interventor12  3 months ago

    Bird with the most T Rex DNA is the chicken.

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    hawgowar  3 months ago

    Hitchcock did a good job making birds scary.

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    YippiKiAyMofo  3 months ago

    That’s why nature evolved the 12 gauge shotgun. The great equalizer in the Man v Bird war.

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    Procat Premium Member 3 months ago

    Be careful of who you give the bird.

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    Croc Holliday  3 months ago

    I once got a little too close to a nest with some eggs in it and momma and poppa bird (I think they were some species of crane) weren’t shy about letting me know I should retreat (which I did).

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    RussHeim  3 months ago

    Birds aren’t real. Truly – I saw it on a website.

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  35. Whatever  3 months ago

    No one ever proved that T-Rex was a killer. Today’s most impressive jaws of land animals (and beaks of birds) are carrion eaters.

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    tripwire45  3 months ago

    Try watching Hitchcock’s “The Birds” (1963)

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    Jimmyk939  3 months ago

    Beware the Cobra Chicken, aka the Canada Goose

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    Zebrastripes  3 months ago

    If you say it and repeat it it becomes delusional…

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    uniquename  3 months ago
    If you were a turkey, I would be worried. Those things can get pretty fierce.
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    zwilnik64  3 months ago

    The Avian Legion needs to use cassowaries as their spokes birds if they wish to inspire terror. Remember who won the Emu Wars.

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    Huckleberry Hiroshima  3 months ago

    In that way, birds aren’t real?

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    Bookworm  3 months ago

    The last real bird was the dodo. But it’s extinct now, or so they say. . . .

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    SunnyvalCA  3 months ago

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    klapre  3 months ago

    funny how the T Rex got smaller and mammals got larger

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    txmystic  3 months ago

    I’ll just put this here…

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    Realimaginary1 Premium Member 3 months ago

    A well a don’t you know about the bird?

    Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!

    A well a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word

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    petermerck  3 months ago

    Missing last panel where Ollie the ostrich kicks the crud out of Pig.

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    mail2jbl  3 months ago

    I could see people panicking over this. After all, people panicked so much over a flu virus that they shut everything down and wore masks for two years.

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    jkozmet  3 months ago

    One degree of separation…..Donald Trump to Donald Duck….

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    RobinHood  3 months ago

    Yes , unless the T-Rex is sucker punched by a 60ft gorilla

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    hariseldon59  3 months ago

    This should be the start of a story arc featuring Guard Duck.

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    snowedin, now known as Missy's mom Premium Member 3 months ago

    There’s a troll in here today.

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    Linguist  3 months ago

    Raptors like eagles and hawks are majestic and awesome to watch but don’t scare me. However, the Dinosaur Bird – the Cassowary – and its cousin the Ostrich definitely scare the bejesus out of me!

    Not only are they really big but they can be really nasty-tempered and aggressive. Probably how they survived for millions of years.

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    Tetonbil Premium Member 3 months ago

    Hey, what the duck? Birds are cool!The brain structure of Corvids and Psittacines are essentially the same as humans,Cetaceans, and the Great Apes. Just imagine!They be wicked smart!

    And talk about descendants, that sweet little mouser in your house is just down the line from the Saber Tooth Tiger that would play with you then eat you if it were about 125lbs heavier. Good to be here now! Not then.

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    waes-hael  3 months ago

    AH! That would’ve been in the age of the Giant Terror Birds!

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    Goat from PBS  3 months ago

    Perhaps a picture of an ostrich or an emu would instill greater fear.

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    Ellis97  3 months ago

    I stay away from wild animals. I don’t want to get attacked.

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    Cameron1988 Premium Member 3 months ago

    Jurassic Park is overrated

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    marilynnbyerly  3 months ago

    I had a male cardinal at my feeder who had feather mites so his whole head and face were bald. Anyone who thinks birds aren’t related to dinos needs to see that.

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    zodismoon  3 months ago

    Maybe be afraid of ostriches and emus.

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    KEA  3 months ago

    Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’ did a pretty fair job of that actually.

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    Keno21  3 months ago

    And I could choke my chicken.

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    The nekkid genius.

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    phlash  3 months ago

    “Birds aren’t real”

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    The Waffles are my friends  3 months ago

    Look out, look out, tiny birds on parade, here they come, chirpity chirpity! They’re here, they’re there, tiny birds everywhere!

    Seriously, though, those feathered little beasts can do quite a number on your sidewalk and car.

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    zeexenon  3 months ago

    Well, what you can do is to go down to the daycare center next to the dingo dog sanctuary and eat as many of the four-legged creatures you can hold.

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    Darth Stevious  3 months ago

    Birds aren’t real.

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    stamps  3 months ago

    Maybe you need to see a Hitchcock movie.

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    Call me Ishmael  3 months ago

    A fair-sized eagle can pick off a human child. And do NOT provoke a swan.

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    Buoy  3 months ago

    One of the nastiest predators known to humans that instills fear and panic with each tweet. What is it?

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    Bilan  3 months ago

    The canary came from the docile branch of the dinosaur evolution. The dangerous branch produced Guard Duck.

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    schaefer jim  3 months ago


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    oakie817  3 months ago

    right t-rex evolved into chickens…doesn’t seem to make sense

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    christelisbetty  3 months ago

    “Leak” the message to Tucker, he will have the public panicking in no time.

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    Daeder  3 months ago

    Maybe if you had a helmet and a bazooka.

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    knight1192a  3 months ago

    Maybe if they were Teenage Mutant Kung Fu Chickens.

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    Eric S   3 months ago

    highly suspect

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    wiatr Premium Member 3 months ago

    The D-i-L is very afraid of birds and she’s never seen Hitchcock’s movie. I read the short story the movie was based on. The birds win.

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    tee929  3 months ago

    This works much better if you read it and imagine how Elmer Fudd would have sounded saying those words…..

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    plaidley  3 months ago

    Don’t mess with a cassowary.

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    syzygy47  3 months ago

    Ted Cruz’s nemesis is Big Bird from Sesame Street. BB could have chosen better for a (Re)public(an) enemy though; it’s an embarrassing foe.

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    Sisyphos  3 months ago

    You’re among many tweeters who seem to hope to instill mass panic, little birdie.

    Alone, you’re not very scary. Flocks could be another matter….

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    kaystari Premium Member 3 months ago

    I’m getting tired of the stupidity behind this theory.Whether or not birds came from reptiles is not what I’m arguing. Birds DID NOT COME FROM T-REXES!!!! There is no fossil record, and you can find a crossover, and evolution would not turn the apes predator into a bird. That is not what evolution or survival of the fittest does!Stop being stupid with science people!

    …unless it’s funny, Pastis, you get a pass.

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    SNVBD  3 months ago

    Cassowaries, anybody?

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