Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 02, 2022

I try to put some distance between myself and the crazy driver. I have no desire to be in a remake of Duel.

I’d go with the rude gesture; that’s why automatic windows were invented.

If they are addled and you honk, they may get more addled.

Gift them with a Denver Boot without the key.

Bear in mind that a significant fraction of drivers are now armed with a deadly weapon (other than their car). Folks with poor impulse control, such as those who angrily cut you off in traffic seem like the kind I’d prefer to leave alone. My life’s not worth saving a few seconds during the drive.

Just BtB, it’s interesting to do the math. Suppose I have 30 mile commute and average 60 MPH if traffic is clear. Half an hour, right? But suppose I get behind someone driving 50 MPH. Their commute time will be 36 minutes. But of course I’ll only catch up to them part way along the route. So somewhat less that 6 minutes of “lost” time for a 10 mph speed difference. Now suppose the more likely case that they’re going almost as fast as you. At 55 for the full distance, that’s 2:43 time difference. What’s a few seconds of travel time worth to you?

Pig, you are a saint.

If only! I like the thought that before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize, you are already a mile away and you have their shoes!

I’m going to try to remember Pig’s frame of mind. The roads will be safer if I do.

I find that drivers fit into three broad categories: competitive, collaborative, and oblivious.

Pig, just don’t ask them why they’re so hostile and unhappy.

I avoid eye-contact and let them get past me. First of all, they’re a wreck looking for a place to happen, and secondly – too many whackos carry – and use – guns these days. Who wants ‘it was because of road-rage’ in their obituary?

If a driver is obviously angry, it’s better to have him in front of you than behind you.

On an unrelated note, I told both my daughters when teaching them to drive, “Remember, you’re not the only idiot on the road.” We all sometimes do dumb things behind the wheel, hopefully other drivers will be forgiving when that happens.

I don’t think they are all angry. Some like to play games with powerful machines.

First I hope my reflexes are still good enough to avoid an accident. Then I hope to pass them further down the road with a car with flashing lights parked behind them.

Good pig. Of course, I may be focused first on avoiding an accident if the other driver’s actions have put me in peril (it has happened). Then I might swear a bit. After that, I just try to focus on the road so I can get home.

I remember the words of Macka B and “give him the benefit of the doubt and just relax.”

Too many fast and furious movies they watches Pig. That be the problem.

I think that Pig has the right idea.

On one of my many training classes a fellow student happened to be missing his middle finger. A fellow student asked him “How can you drive”?!

We don’t deserve pigs.

I assume they are in urgent danger of peeing in their pants.

After watching show Road Wars, see many times it does not end well, for either car if you react to irrational driver. On hwy trips I set my adaptive cruise control to desired speed and it will slow down as necessary and stay safe distance behind car. Keeps me from getting tickets from not concentrating.

People suck, pigs are kind.

If you want a bonafide lesson in the rudeness of human beings park next to and observe the happenings at a traffic circle. I always say that traffic circles bring out the worst in humans.

When someone’s tailgating me, it’s helps to remember that he’s not my problem, I’m his problem. I prefer to let the problem stay with him.

… and pray for them and for yourself and for anyone else on the road.

Sweet Little Pig, I like the way you think

Thanks God I don’t drive.

I have progressed from aggressive driver to more patient, considerate driver. I’m sure that excessive time on planet earth is responsible for this

I think it’s the mere presence of other drivers that makes them so hostile and unhappy. They seem to think that they and they alone are entitled to the road and view other drivers as a nuisance and impediment best shoved to the shoulder.

Or at least, that’s why I do it.

I think the best thing to do is brake really suddenly, mainly to avoid injury or any other damage.

I just hope that they don’t hurt anybody when they die in a fiery crash moments later.

Once many years ago, I was cut off too short and had no choice but to run up the backside of the offending car, taking him off the road with me. Might be prudent to report that I had no options. I had four horses in a fifth wheel rig with me and can only stop as fast as the brakes will hold them steady. The momentum of ~4500 lbs of live weight (NOT the same as dead or free weight) behind me dictated the stop. No injuries luckily, but lots of swearing and whining from the offending party. PSA moment: If you see a horse trailer coming and don’t want to follow (understandable) PLEASE don’t wait to see if we are travelling fast enough for you before you pull out in front at the LAST. POSSIBLE. MOMENT!!! Just go, and then get the H out of the way. Thank you.

In my youth, I was more likely to echo Rat’s assessment of these situations…nowadays, I’m 100% with Pig on this one. Road rage showdowns have no winners, just losers.

Not sure if he was angry, but I did once spot a boomer/executive type weaving violently through rush hour traffic in his vintage red convertible. Ten minutes later one of our summer micro-cloudbursts passed through the area. I crested a hill into pouring rain and there he was on the side of the road, stamping and cussing as he tried to get the ragtop locked into place! Karma, baby.

Might I direct your attention: Russell Crowe in “Unhinged”.

I drive the speed limit, give or take a little to allow for traffic flow. Why? Because I like driving, I’m seldom in a hurry, and the slower I go the longer I get to listen to my music.

A semi cut me off on the freeway…… I wasn’t about to retaliate ,but I can’t tell you how angry and pis-sed I was!

We all need to be more like Pig.

Most of the time I just grumble for a second or two and then move on with my life. I’d rather have such people ahead of me on the road than behind me anyway.

Most are just asswholes

they, as usual, are talking at each other, not to each other

For some reason I just went to the opening scene from the movie Christmas Vacation where they are off to find their Christmas tree! Lol Good to be chill.

I can stay calm by reminding myself that a few feet of pavement is never worth arguing about. My 3 M theory of bad drivers: there are Morons, who do stupid things on the road because they don’t know any better; Meatballs, who do stupid things because they’re oblivious to their surroundings; and MotherF——-s who do stupid things on purpose because they enjoy it.

Once on my way to work I had a green light, I even waited a few seconds for the last left turners (our town is notorious for late lefters) and halfway across I had to slam on my breaks to avoid being crunched by a older lady who totally didn’t see me and was either ignoring a red light or misunderstanding yellow arrows. She just flew by and my head snapped to watch her pass me without a glance to my car. I then stared forward kind of made eye contact with the stopped car across from me, shook my head, then kept going. It all happened in less then a minute.

To me it’s all the Lazy people who don’t use their turn signals – It’s Rude to other drivers!

Good for you, Pig. We need more of that.

All of the above! :-0 :-)

I just say, “Boy, that person must REALLY have to pee!”

I have begun to simply pray for their protection and a safe trip home. They obviously need help.

Well, my fault for leaving plenty of space ahead, but I hope they are first at the next stop light, I am right behind, and I toot my horn the first millisecond after the light turns green (8-points). Reactions are hilarious!

A more rare case is to see an idiot in the rear-view mirror constantly changing lanes then blocking their progress with the aid of another car next to me (a full 10-points). No problems yet, since getting my license in 1957, first try.

158 gr. of lead @ 950 fps works here

Good advice.

I like having people like that in front of me so I can keep an eye on them.

My philosophy regarding such situations is “No harm, no foul.” I’m not injured, my car’s not damaged, and I don’t know whether or not the other driver is a nut job with a gun, so I let it slide. I want to get to my destination alive and in one piece; better safe than sorry!

I ignore them. I don’t have to make their problem my problem.

So rarely it happens. Once, just once, a driver swerved around me, blowing their horn, because I was driving the posted limit of 25 mph in a residential zone. As I crested the next hill, I saw the flashing lights and the car being pulled over. Made my day.

Even though they can’t hear me, I usually just shout “You’re lucky I value my life!”

Good attitude……

The first two…

I smile and wave hi like we’re old friends. It confuses the heck out of them and it makes them go, oh, MAN, was that someone I knew? I’m in trouble now!

Very old advice: Be kind to the people you meet. They are having a hard time.

While Rat is just plain trying (like the hypothetical aggressive driver).

Hit your Tesla’s horn and it plays La Cucaracha.

Look for the next 20 vehicles behind them to follow blindly just to gain another car length on everyone else.

Devastating, Pig! I’ve never seen you so totally crush Rat before!

No, no, no. You do it American style. You try to kill them. It’s the American way. If it bothers you, kill it.

Oh sir this is well done it’s thoughtful, funny and a pun.

This needs to be on a travel mug.

I scream in terror while quickly slamming the brakes.

I just wish them the best, and hope their loved ones all die before they can get to the hospital.