Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 17, 2023

Rat may need more $4 million if he wants the “right” plane.

What about a pilot and some stewardesses?

Yes, the plane should have a comfortable handle and a sharp blade.

Flying lessons would also be good.

“And that’s the only thing I need is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray… And this paddle game. – The ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need… And this remote control. – The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need… And these matches. – The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball… And this lamp. – The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one… I need this. – The paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I’m some kind of a jerk or something! – And this. That’s all I need.” Navin Johnson

I guess with 4 million he can afford all the beer he wants.

Yea but once you get it, then you will want something else.

Does the plane include a flight crew, with pretty flight attendants.

I read that private “business” planes can cost about 70 million, plus another 30 mil to customize the interior. That is without beer.

I could make do with $2 million and a kite…

Plane geometry.

It’s plane to see that Rat is not a simple man!

What is the “right” plane?

Four Million (4,000,000) dollars sounds like quite a bit more than a few.

At this point in my life, a 1/4 million would carry me through to the end of my days, pay off the house, take a couple of nice trips, to use up my million FF miles, and buy me a nicer car. And I could easily pass up using the FF miles, since there is LOTS of places here in the US, I would like to go back to, by riding AmTrak.Europe is too fked up for my liking (I should have taken the time to see it when I was passing through there in the 1990s and 2000s.

You should add a zero there, $4 mil doesn’t go as far as it used to, Rat.

It has to be a 65 million dollar private jet like the televangelists ride around in. Don’t settle for anything less rat.

Bucky channeling D.B. Cooper? (Sort of)!

Hey kids, which panel is not the same as the other panels?

Ted Danson’s plane. (Seinfeld fans will get this).

Don’t forget a private pilot, Rat!

Simple, indeed. High school science projects are shot down with $200m F-22 Raptors.

You don’t want a Spanish plane, that’s where most of the rain falls.

That plane will burn through that $4 million pretty easily… ;-)

Like the “Plane” truth. Something of which the rat has some serious issues with.

Rat sounds like a “Prosperity Preacher”!

Some of us are a lot simpler.

Euclid would be proud.

If Rat wants $4 million and a plane, he should become a televangelist. Get on TV, tell your audience that God will bless them beyond their wildest dreams if they send money to your “ministry”, and sit back and watch as the money rolls in. You’ll get way more than $4 million, and you’ll have enough to buy not only a private jet, but several multimillion dollar estates across the country and a collection of luxury limos! It worked for Robert Tilton back in the day, and it seems to be working for shysters like Kenneth Copeland and Creflo Dollar too. Give it a shot, Rat!

Health, wealth, and the time to enjoy them.

Waiting for Godot……

I am a simple man, my perfect plane would be the Aviat Eagle.

Not the Wright plane. The tissue paper for the repeated repairs to the wings would polish off the million in no time.

Doesn’t Goat drink TEA?!

All I need is a pint a day

$5M and a long-arm quilting machine.

My wife and pups. A piano.

A ‘69 Mustang Mach I wouldn’t hurt. :)

For me to be happy, I just need art supplies, a lovely woman and my own thriving animation studio.

Gulfstream V?

I want to take my plain plane to a plain…

The plane could be in the mountains…good riddance, Rat!

Not a space rocket? How very modest of him.

That plane will eat up your four million dollars right quick

Forget the sunny day. I see no reason to be so picky. Just give me coffee!

Just don’t keep a passenger list.

Happiness might be beyond my reach, contentment not so much. This much is certain— no amount of possessions or illusions will make me so.

I am sure the Ducks would be happy to be your pilots if the plane has a few Sidewinder missiles and something that can disperse depleted Plutonium in a big hurry.

No matter how simple are the pleasures that your happiness depends on, they can still be yanked away from you. Better to learn to find happiness in whatever situation life throws your way, regardless of what it does and does not include. (And yes, I realize that’s easier said than done.)

Gulfstream G700?

Air force one?

Suggest you avoid the same planes as John Denver,or JFK Jr.

And they better serve coffee on the plane

Rat! Stop with the political jokes…

I’d like one TRILLION dollars! So I could RUIN the careers of evil politicians AND help everyone I love retire to the lap of luxery. I could ALSO afford the EXPENSIVE dog food my two babies deserve. <3

John Travolta, Kurt Russell, and the like, can give you pointers.

simple adjective (FOOLISH)old-fashionedA simple person does not have a normal level of intelligence.

Four million dollars is not a “few” things.

Since when does goat drink coffee?

Rat’s ideal plane would be an evac helicopter.he tends to offend entire civilizations and needs a quick getaway.

With the way lotteries are going, four million isn’t much anymore. Not when they’re starting to break the billion mark and regularly running into the tens of millions.

The best things in life are not things.

Rat’s simplicity isn’t cheap.

And along came Rat! —There’s “simple,” and then there’s SIMPLE (as defined by Rat)!

D.B. Rat

A Simple Man, huh? Lynyrd Skynyrd would be proud.

Only 4 million? I’d burn through that in a couple of weeks. Spend it on women gambling and booze. The rest I’d waste. (Credit to WC Fields for the ageless life coach advice)

DB Cooper would like a word.