Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 29, 2023

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    BE THIS GUY  7 months ago
    The customers are idiots (know this from personal experience).
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    BasilBruce  7 months ago

    Rat, you rock.

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    Renatus Profuturus Frigeridus Premium Member 7 months ago

    In the end, Rat regained his work despite yesterday’s interview.

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    ronaldspence  7 months ago

    Rat needs to work the answer line at a government agency, he would fit right in!

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    Cornelius Noodleman  7 months ago

    Guy’s nose looks like Rat already kicked it.

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    Erse IS better  7 months ago

    The only correct answer is to sell him the item with the highest profit margin. Of course Rat’s not the owner so why would he care?

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    The dude from FL  Premium Member 7 months ago

    Give me a cup of black coffee, none of the hoopla and I’m good. $1.00 you say.

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    c001  7 months ago

    To kick him in the nose, Rat should just climb on the counter.

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    XF8U-3  7 months ago

    This works well at a bar; order say, a whiskey drink – tell the keep to mix up something interesting.

    They usually enjoy this.

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    Asharah  7 months ago

    Just sell him the most expensive thing on the menu.

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    orinoco womble  7 months ago

    I wish I could say Rat is wrong. Alas.

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    Yakety Sax  7 months ago


    A Decaf Gaff

    I’m ordering at a popular coffee chain.

    Me: “One [Seasonal Specialty Drink made with ice] with no coffee.”

    The barista marks it down on the cup and goes to make it. When I receive the drink, it looks very suspiciously like coffee is in it. Note: This drink does have a layer of chocolate syrup in it.

    Me: “Does this have coffee in it?”

    Barista: “No, that’s just the chocolate syrup.”

    I’m not convinced, so I take a sip before I leave. It most certainly has coffee in it.

    Me: “I really think this has coffee in it.”

    Barista: “Oh, I just made it with decaf.”

    He remade my drink after that, and I got a coupon for a free drink.

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    Imagine  7 months ago

    if you look for idiots you will find idiots.

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    rshive  7 months ago

    Before the day is done, Rat will have done some disservice.

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    ivanprime93  7 months ago


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    Frog-on-a-Log Premium Member 7 months ago

    I agree with Rat. Hmmm, that felt weird to say.

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    Troglodyte  7 months ago

    Hey, but he does give many customers a good fit! :D

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    win.45mag  7 months ago


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    win.45mag  7 months ago

    In the second block, it looks like the customer grew a couple inches as rat studded up to him

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    Huckleberry Hiroshima  7 months ago

    I don’t think that customer even came close to rising to the level of idiocy you just assaulted him with, Rat. Get over yourself.

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    SuperAndy Premium Member 7 months ago

    Happy National Coffee Day


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    cmerb  7 months ago

    I just love the RAT : )

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    Count Olaf Premium Member 7 months ago

    A Carmel Apple Mocha with extra spit coming right up.

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    Croc Holliday  7 months ago

    Uh, rat – you do realize you’re on the clock yeah? You really have a hundred other things your employer needs you to be doing right now?

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    brick10  7 months ago

    I recommend what is ever easiest for me to prepare.

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    Ellis97  7 months ago

    Wait till you see the customers at Target.

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    david_42  7 months ago

    Extra large, black, no room for cream.

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    kaycstamper  7 months ago

    Guess which one he can do without!

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    Goat from PBS  7 months ago

    Some people are not cut out for this type of work.

    Trust me. I’ve worked in customer service for years.

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    Robert Miller Premium Member 7 months ago

    I worked in the food industry for a long time. Once, a friend of mine came to the restaurant I was working in, so I stepped out of the kitchen long enough to say hi. He asked what I would recommend. I told him I knew this place just down the street that served an awesome pizza!

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    DaBump Premium Member 7 months ago

    Just recommend the most expensive option you think the guy can afford, like the guy who sold me my car.

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    LKrueger41  7 months ago

    Instructions from the owner of the Phillips 66 service station who gave me a job as a teen in 1957: “Don’t let anyone tell you the customer is always right. But never forget the customer is always the customer.” Still good advice, Rat.

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    pheets  7 months ago

    I am with Rat on this one..

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    del_grande Premium Member 7 months ago

    One Rat Special it is…black coffee (the cheapest thing they have – made from the cheapest beans, of course), with a significant surcharge added for the recommendation. That’s one way to get customers to decide. Oh, and don’t forget the $5/minute surcharge for “waiting until you are asked what you want before starting to decide”

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    aerotica69  7 months ago

    When it takes longer to order the drink than it takes to make the drink, it’s time to go home and drink tap water.

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    gigagrouch  7 months ago

    There was a hotdog stand on Wabash avenue that had a similar attitude; If you hesitated telling them your order, they’d take the next person behind you & tell you to go to the end of the line & not waste their time. “We have hungry people here waiting for you to make up your mind!”

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    Masterskrain Premium Member 7 months ago

    Go, Rat, GO!!!

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    notjimothy  7 months ago

    It’s not what SAM would do!

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    Zebrastripes  7 months ago

    The customers are NOT always right! But no reason to kick him in the nose!

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    klapre  7 months ago

    I just love rat. I don’t tolerate idiots well either. I would never survive in a customer service position.

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    Kaputnik  7 months ago

    Small dark roast coffee, black. But that’s at least three things that Rat could screw up.

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    hoffquotes2  7 months ago

    Just give him a plain cup of coffee

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    John Jorgensen  7 months ago

    You missed a trick here Rat. Just recommend the simplest item to make and be done with him.

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    pripley  7 months ago

    Ah, that’s the Rat we know and…love? He was goin’ soft there for a while.

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    B UTTONS  7 months ago

    Excuse me, the customer said … He didn’t really care … Whatever I recommend.

    The Customer is Always Right, so I gave him my recommendation. Also from the looks of his nose, I am not the first to tell him.

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    wildlandwaters  7 months ago

    There’s a gal in our town who works at a grocery store who can be like Rat on some days, so if I ever frequent that store, I line up at a different checkout. (I’m guessing PMS??)

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    pyotr576  7 months ago

    Oh Rat, if they leave it up to you, just give them the easiest thing to make.Yeah, I know, that’s not as funny, but …

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    Silence Dogood Premium Member 7 months ago

    Just what we need in the morning…more threats of violence!

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    Bilan  7 months ago

    He should try the OTHER coffee . . . TEA.

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    [Unnamed Reader - 14b4ce]  7 months ago

    Serve the problem customers Postum and see if they can tell the difference

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    LrdSlvrhnd  7 months ago

    I am 100% with Rat on this. If you don’t care what you get, why the bleep should I? You would get either the easiest thing I can think of, the most disgusting thing I can think of, or the most expensive thing I can think of, depending on my mood. So just tell me what you want.

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    zeexenon  7 months ago

    My pop, a gas station manager, added a Trailer Rental Division in the early 1950s. It became his main business Decades later I was joined to this Family Enterprise. A customer returned complaining about the trailer he had loaded to the brim with rolls of sod. The tires rubbed holes through the steel fenders. He weighed one roll and loaded to our weight limit using his erroneous result. I helped unload it on the hottest, highest dew point of the year. Upon college graduation, I took the position which placed me as far from the public as possible.

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    raybarb44  7 months ago

    I would have first asked if he liked his coffee plain or dressed up. If he answered dressed up, the sky is then the limit, a 20 oz white chocolate mocha with an extra shot (and that’s just to start)…..

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    EXCALABUR  7 months ago

    Didn’t think they rehired him.

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  55. Whatever  7 months ago

    Get into a business with a non moronic product. If there someone asks for your recommendation chances are you can hit him pretty hard in the wallet and no one will complain.

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    awgiedawgie Premium Member 7 months ago

    “I’ll have a half-double decaf half-caf with a twist of lemon.”

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    eddi-TBH  7 months ago

    If you get one like that, pour him a cup of regular black coffee. He is suffering decision paralysis.

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    Otis Rufus Driftwood  7 months ago

    The customer isn’t ALWAYS right.

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    Sisyphos  7 months ago

    Rat, much to his own relief, believes he is doing a Good Job. And in a sense he is right….

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    Cathy P.  7 months ago

    Two things: 1. I worked in a factory (making paper cups) right out of high school, then worked retail the rest of my career. I much preferred the factory because the machines didn’t care if you were having a bad day, and they never said “smile!”). 2. In retail, many customers, and coworkers, often commented on my pleasant manner, even to rude customers. However, it’s a good thing they couldn’t read my mind.

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