Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 22, 2024

“Worry keeps me awake, so if you can’t fix me, please put me to sleep tonight.”

Or what butchers do to their slaughtered.

That’s probably the smartest thing pig has ever said

Fixer upper special

This is why you are asked several times BEFORE you go into surgery, as to what YOU are going to be operated on for.Also, this is why some people Magic Marker their body as to what is to be done to them, just in case Dr. Nick is the “one with the knife”.

Dear Pig,

We can fix you into a (1) delicious cut of ham, (2) savory smoked bacon, (3) pork chops, or (4) roasted with an apple, or (5) side of pork and beans to be served around a campfire.

Please tell us your choice.

Have a good day,

Powers-That-Be-in-the-Universe.

I’m with pig on this one!

Fix him so that he doesn’t get ink all over his forehead when he writes.

You-nicked that in the bud.

Hope the powers that be find you fixable, Pig!

Pig doesn’t seem to be completely done with Pigita.

Pig, the Serenity Prayer, every day.

I think most people need to be ‘fixed’.

Some people don’t NEED to be “fixed”(both meanings intended)!!!! Dan aka…

That’s why you have to be really, really careful when you say your wishes to a genie.

I had my daughter fixed.

you need to put yourself in neuteral and relax

Just spayin’

Just saw a news article about gene altered pigs that will be used for organ transplants. Pig better stay as he is.

Pig might like to read “The Monkey’s Paw” by W. W. Jacobs before making any wishes.

Pig is smarter than Dilbert’s PHB.

“Tell the company nurse I said ‘Never mind’.”

Pig must have a huge complex if he writes a letter like that.

One guy walked up to another at the bar, and asked why there was a 12 inch pianist, on the bar playing. The first guy responded, you must annunciate clearly when you ask the genie for your wish.

The earth is overpopulated. More people should be fixed.

Pig should choose a different term.

Specify. Don’t Imply. — words to live by.

Dear Universe, STOP TRYING TO FIX ME!

As with all renovation and recovery projects, it is important to know what “Fixed” is before you start doing the work.

Working without a plan, knowing what you are working on/for, will result in a lot of waisted effort and pain.

Well, of course you don’t want to be fixed the way people do their pets!

Moreso every day.

Clarity is only important when the message is important.

We do that to you guys, too, pig. Sorry.

When I have pain, before I got see the doc, I mark it with a Sharpie. When I saw Alyssa two months ago about my shoulder pain, she asked what happened and why my arm and shoulder were marked in red. I said because that’s where it hurts. I make a big X or circle. Been doing this since 1991 when I had some foot pain.

Barrow- A castrated male pig. Typically castrated at 2 weeks old, all male 4H pigs are barrows.

And he can get a microchip at the same time and never get lost again. Win win

Transform Pig in Ham and Bacon. That’s a good improvement. :D

Can’t “fix” also mean, “to beat up?” Like, “I’ll fix you!”

And women to their husbands … I’m not sure about lifetime male “partners,” not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Pig, Specificity is always preferred; be on the safe side ;-)

It’s step 7.

We had a 17 pound tuxedo who was only a bit overweight. He always said “I may be neutered but I’m not fixed.”

Or what mothers do to their daughters when their ears don’t get pierced right.

True story: When my sister turned 13, Mom took her to get her ears pierced. Apparently they didn’t do it right, so my mom and sister were in the waiting room to have it redone. My dad called my mom, and she told him, “I’m in the waiting room with our daughter to have her fixed.” My sister wanted to crawl under the chair and die from embarrassment, and other people who overheard what my mom said laughed too. Mom regretted her choice of words. And to this day my sister, who will turn 35 in December, actively tries to forget that that moment ever happened.

“Ha, Ha! Biff!”

My wife had me “fixed” years ago. 10$ and ten minutes out of my day.

Enough with the euphemisms, just call a spayed a spayed

The Powers-That-Be inevitably mess up these requests. No matter how carefully worded.

Pig must have met a Genie at some time.

At least when Humans get “fixed” they only disconnect the toys, leaving them behind so you can still play with them.

The powers of the universe turned him into a broken car, then had a mechanic fix it