Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 08, 2024

Jack Benny would be proud.

Better checks youself before ya wrecks youself goat.

Open mouth, in$ert foot!

C’mon, Goat. You never say that until AFTER the check comes.

I’d have thought Goat would know enough to choose better timing.

This is nonsense. Does anybody believe that Rat treated Goat last week?

“You Dirty Rat”!

Annnnnd that’s why I don’t do “you got it last time, I’ll get it this time”. Ever.

Get the Remy Martin Louis XIII; that will cost a few bucks.

Any place that serves grilled cheese alongside 19th century brandy, is OK with me.

Not a chance in hell rat go the check last week

Cheap….

Reminds me of the woman who, on a first date, consumed over 40 oysters at the bar while waiting for a table. (Her date ran off and left her with the tab!)

I don’t get the check whenever he does that.

Does Goat looks like he’s made of money?!

Goat: Oops. I’m sorry. I was mistaken. It’s your week to get the check.

In honor of you getting the check, I’ll have what you’re having.

Thank you so much, Rat, for your kindness and your generosity.

I have known quite a few people like that but would never have any such abusers as friends.

They did a bit on this in Mystery Men. The steak eater always picks the pocket of the salad eater!

Be precise. 19th Century is a good start, but make sure it is pre-Phylloxera.

Would you like fries with that?

Separate checks always

Never take Rat to a restaurant and say it’s on you. He’ll take advantage of it.

I went out with two female friends, and they wanted to sit at the table and hash out the costs, at length, when the check came. I was thoroughly embarrassed, paid more than my share, and left. I’ll try to never go out with them again.

Never say this – until the meal is over!

If someone else is paying, best to take advantage.

And I just thought it was a little diner

With decent people it’s the other way around — if someone else is paying then you go easy on what you order. Dutch treat is the way to go, either way.

That 19th century brandy alone is gonna set Goat back…

…and Goat orders rotisserie ala Rat.

Sounds like a nice meal.

I’ll go with the Camus XO. It’s like drinking butter

Why brandy instead of champagne?

If a menu has a price notation that is either “current market” or “ask your server”… you can’t afford it

That’s okay. Their nineteenth-century brandy is actually a Pepsi.

way to stick it to “the man”

Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Few combinations can compare.

Didn’t this happen in “The Adventures of Pluto Nash”, a movie which probably only I watched (my mistake)

I see "market price " on the menu for all kinds of seafood, but never for Alaska salmon. Butt then I haven’t seen Alaska salmon listed on a restaurant menu for almost a decade.

Whenever “salmon” IS on the menu, further inquiry reveals it’s Atlantic salmon. Thanks, but no thanks- I’ll just pick up some steelhead trout at Costco and grill it myself.

Sure, Rat, sure.

Rat paid for someone? How many Guns did he have pointed at his head?

That’s what Goat gets for being nice.

Rat has always depended on the kindness of others. That’s why he calls them suckers.

Rat picked up the check the week before? That’s hard for me to believe

Is there no end to Rat’s perfidy? Obviously not…

Does that even look like a place that would have any of that?

Maybe I am different from most, but I do not like people, even my family, to pay for my meal. It severely limits my choices to what ever they are having. I know what I can spend and I prefer to order accordingly.

This absolutely REEKS of Bill Raftery!

If you order Napoleon Brandy, do you have to go into exile after you drink it?

If Goat washes dishes, you join him, Rat.