Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for November 11, 2024

Does this mean that a junkyard is a singles bar?

However junk is a short name for political correctness.

I have both a padlock collection and a key collection. Maybe I’ll try to see what goes to what.

Hands off my junk…

Don’t they throw those off a bridge somewhere in Paris?

Didn’t Biden call Republican voters that?

I too have keys in a drawer I have no idea what they fit!

Well, it’s better than garbage. But that’s in the past now. Besides, one man’s garbage is another man’s democracy.

How about scrap metal?

Here, at pearls before swine, the madness knows NO LIMITS, as NOW the characters and the writer and the audience ALL have to deal with talking, anthropomorphic, inanimate objects and those objects’s feelings!!!! Dan aka…ps holy meta, Batman!!!!

Oh, and, FINALLY, per usual, RAT completely misses the point of that social interaction!!!! Too bad for the KEY and the KEY’S transformation into sentience, because that was TOTALLY a wasted moment for RAT!!!! And, unfortunately, of course, for the KEY!!!! Maybe that did have an effect on PIG, though, so ALL would not be lost for the KEY and ALL the KEY’S hard work!!!! Dan aka…ps GOD really tries to help RAT, but RAT could, accurately, be called the “Teflon” man, for all the good it leaves on RAT, which is NOT a single molecule of good left on RAT after this comic strip’s last panel!!!!

… or poor souls who have lost their purpose in life.

You would think that object would have fun at key parties.

The Island of Misfit Keys.

The key may be to Navin R. Johnson’s apartment. HE found his “special purpose.”

They deliberately show up as lost souls from locks unknown to haunt to us to our grave. We got a key for that?

Call the key a “sucker and a loser”.

What if the key’s special purpose in life is to occupy the junk drawer?

today’s 11/11. where’s the key to the portal? I want out.

Speaking of junk drawers, is that why my doctor tells me to drop my drawers when I’m getting a hernia check at my annual physical?

If you want to know where a “junk drawer key” goes, just throw it away.

Try garbage. You’ll make the left happy. And what idiot would believe keys have souls ?

I’m still calling it junk. No matter what anyone says.

Oh call him junk. It’s okay. He’ll likely gather others who are junk and form a coalition and then you’ll be able to more easily keep an eye on them. Donate to their cause so they can get megaphones and signs with clever-to-them sayings and their hair done.

We decided long ago that we were to classy to have a junk drawer. We have a Gee-isn’t-it-neat drawer.

I don’t even know what we’re gonna call junkyards now.

The moral of this story: Keep Your Junk In Your Drawers!

I have a junk drawer condo. One drawer is keys and locks. Many of the keys are to doors I no longer have.

What do you suppose these guys keep in the closet that they can open with a skeleton key?

So what are the keys pronouns?

Perhaps the junk draw eats the locks like a dryer eats socks. Actually I eat locks on bagels. Yum.

I got a brand new pair of roller skates…

Send it to the island of misfit toys

Junk is very precious, as any man can tell you.

I feel we haven’t had tiny animals, bugs, or inanimate objects that talk in a while.

I have an unused key to our freezer in the basement. Some smart marketing person figured out that freezers sometimes get put in garages and needed to be protected.

Funny. (Until you read the comments).

Loose it, no nookie for you.

I second that emotion.

One never knows what that unidentified key is until one throws it away… and then finds a lock that needs it.

I still have my skate key. Anyone who understands what that is, it’s time for your midday medications.

Those keys have a curse on them. Two days after you throw one away, you figure out where it belongs. That never fails.

PC key. This has taken a turn.

My junk doesn’t seem to mind; though I did give it a name also ;)

Did the matching up on our collection a little while ago. The unmatched ones were set aside until they’d aged sufficiently, then went into the metal recycle.

Well, I’ve got a brand-new pair of roller skates

You’ve got a brand-new key

I think that we should get together

And try them on to see

I’ve been looking around a while

You’ve got something for me

Oh, I’ve got a brand-new pair of roller skates

You’ve got a brand-new key

- Melanie

Agreed, omnivorous, domesticated, even-toed, hoofed mammal and medium-sized, long-tailed rodent

Luggage keys always go in my junk drawer. They stay there for years, until I clean out my junk drawer

I have the good fortune to live in a state where I can practice hobby lockpicking. Guess what I can’t find around my house.

One morning last year, I woke up one day to find my driver’s side window shattered, my steering wheel broken, and my air bag missing! There was a theft ring operating in our city and I guess that night they decided to hit our street. Once we arranged for repairs, my husband remembered we had an old “Club” steering wheel lock in the basement (a gift I had given him 2 or 3 trucks ago!) He then said, “But I don’t know where the key to it went!”

I remembered that I had a strange little mystery key on my keyring and tried it — sure enough, it was the Club key! I know it’s possible for a thief to get through the Club — but it sure makes it harder and takes longer, so it’s a pretty decent deterrent. In fact, there was news story where a number of Hondas and Hyundais on one street had been hit. The one Honda Civic that had a Club on it was untouched, so I guess it works!

Six days after the theft, before I even got my car back, I would lose my darling “Wild Boar” to a sudden massive heart attack. Love and miss you so much, K! My heart still skips a beat when I see a little white truck like his. And that Club goes on my car every night. <3

Just got a memo that henceforth “hazardous waste” will be known as “unwanted materials” per some government regulation…made me wonder who felt insulted by the old term. I couldn’t decide whether to file it under “what’s that about” or “who cares”…

I remember years ago when airport security started doing body searches, and one guy says “don’t go touchin’ my junk!”… and Jay Leno ran with that and said something like “boy, times must be tough… I remember when they used to be called the family jewels!”

Actually, little key, you had a purpose in life and it has either been forgotten or become obsolete for some reason. Very unlikely you will have another purpose like the one you were created for, but you may be turned into some sort of art or collection by some talented soul. Good luck!

Why are you all looking at me that way? Stop it.

Nice to see a talking object in Pearls again. Maybe Key would be willing to compromise and except “miscellaneous” XD

Give the little key a break. It may open a lost treasure.

I call it the Hell drawer.

Maybe it’s the key from Coraline…but it should be at the bottom of a well.

Wait till someone pops up and “identifies as junk”!!