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  1. almost 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Lupin: Local artist creates magnetic masterpieces!

    Take it away, Tommy!

    Tommy: Quite a stir here in a local kitchen, where one cat is hard at work!

    Gifted artist, sensitive visionary, and top-notch best friend material: Sophie, how do you do it?

    Sophie: Not now, Thomas.

    Tommy: Not now, Lupin!

    Sophie: It’s nearly complete.

  2. almost 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Man: I’ll dash out and get more kibble.

    Woman: Could you pick up litter, too?

    Elvis: LITTER TOO? DID YOU FORGET THAT YOU HAVE CATS?!

    Puck: Animal crisis hotline? Yes, I’LL HOLD.

    Crawl: CAT CALL

    Elvis: I didn’t want it to come to this, but Lupin -

    SHRED ALL OF THE TOILET PAPER!

    Lupin: WHAT TOILET PAPER?

  3. almost 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Woman: Uh-oh!

    Elvis: WHAT-OH!

    Woman: We’re all out of kibble!

    Puck: There has to be an agency where I can REPORT THIS.

    Car abuse…

    Cash abuse…

    Man: Oh no!

    Woman: I guess all the kibble got nibbled!

    Lupin: THIS ISN’T A GAME, WOMAN!

  4. almost 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Lupin: Breakfast is MISSING.

    Crawl: WHERE IS BREAKFAST? • MOST IMPORTANT MISSING MEAL OF THE DAY

    Elvis: Lupin, it’s 8:15 am, PRACTICALLY NOON, and there is no kibble in the cupboard!

    Crawl: KITCHEN IN CRISIS • NO ANSWERS • STILL MISSING

  5. almost 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Puck: Elvis has a new toy.

    Lupin: What?! Where’s OUR toys?

    Elvis: Lupin, it’s true. The People bought a new toy just for me, and it’s awesome.

    Puck: I don’t think -

    Elvis: [plays]

    Puck: Elvis, charts prove 9 times out of 10, the People get us toys in 3’s.

    [Pie chart reads

    USUALLYTHAT ONE TIME THE WOMAN STEPPED ON MY TAIL]

    Elvis: Such a simple machine. [RATTLE RATTLE]

    Puck: There are subtle differences.

    [Diagram of CAT TOY reads

    FEATHER FOR EATINGCRUNCHY BELL CENTERBOLD COLORS

    Diagram of BABY TOY reads

    SOFT COLORSCRISPY RATTLE CENTERSTICK FOR FLAILING]

    Elvis: The Woman and I have this cute game where she’ll take the toy and put it in the Nursery, then I have to sneak in and steal it back!

    I KEEP WINNING!

    Woman: Gimme that.

  6. almost 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Woman: Aw!

    Man: What?

    Woman: There’s an article about Winnifred Quinn today!

    Man: The woman who owned this building?

    Woman: Yes. She started the local cat shelter, too!

    It says at the shelter she had a particular fondness for black cats, but never found one of her own to watch over.

    Man: That’s too bad.

    Freddie: [PAT PAT]

  7. about 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Puck: It’s time once again for the bi-monthly 2:00 am “Running of the Cats.”

    The competitors are taking their places on the kitchen counter.

    AND THEY’RE OFF!

    Here’s a look at the race route for viewers at home.

    [Chart shows START, KITCHEN, BATHROOM, LIVING ROOM, PEOPLE’S ROOM, SPARE ROOM, FINISH with a wild squiggly line connecting them]

    Puck: A reminder: In order to qualify, each competitor must knock over a lamp.

    Man: Did you hear something break?

    Woman: Mmmph?

    Elvis: TO GLORY!

    Puck: Elvis is knocking over all the lamps! An interesting strategy… If Lupin doesn’t get in there soon, this race is lost!

    Lupin: Thanks!

    Tommy: Water, friend?

    Elvis: NEVER!

    Tommy: GOOD LUCK!

    Puck: Puck here, beside the last remaining lamp -

    MOTHER OF CAT!

    This concludes our race! Until next time, folks!

    Man: Why is Lupin all wet?

    Tommy: [holds up card with 10.0]

  8. about 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Lupin: There’s a new picture on the wall. Elvis, what can you tell us?

    Elvis: I don’t know why, but it bothers me.

    Puck: …

    Elvis: I do not care for this.

    Puck: I feel the call of the sea…

    Lupin: Puck, you okay?

    Elvis: What.

    Puck: Ahoy matey.

    Just gonna steer the vessel this way…

    Elvis: Get that smug little boat away from me! [SWIPE SWIPE SWIPE]

    Puck: THAR SHE BLOWS!

    Woman: PUCKY!

  9. about 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Lupin: The woman has a hairball.

    Elvis: Elvis here, where the woman has a hairball, despite the fact that it is not 4:30 am, or as cats know it…

    “Hairball o’clock.”

    Puck: Ma’am?

    Woman: It’s okay Puck. It’s just morning sickness.

    Puck: Ma’am? Come along, ma’am. Let’s get you to a nice, clean carpet.

    Lupin: Carpet is ideal, thanks to its hairball locking microfibers.

    [Chart reads:

    STUDY OF A CARPET

    ABSORBENT LAYEREVEN MORE ABSORBENT LAYEREARTH’S CORE]

    Lupin: Plus, it’s all cushy on your paws.

    Puck: Ma’am?

    Woman: Puck, I’m okay.

    Puck: I can save you. Take my paw.

    Ma’am?

    Woman: Puck, really -

    Puck: Just a little further, ma’am.

    Elvis: C’mon. There’s a bathmat right over here.

    Lupin: Think of your paws.

    Puck: Would you at least like to wait until hairball o’clock?

  10. about 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News

    Lupin: One of our reporters was beaten up by a skunk. Here’s Puck with the brave report.

    Puck: Thanks, Lupin -

    Elvis: Get out of here!

    I didn’t get beat up, it just sprayed me with its butt.

    Puck: What do you say to claims that you shouldn’t have even been on the back porch since we’re not allowed on the back porch?

    Because of skunks.

    Elvis: I say rules are meant to be broken.

    Puck: Yeah, but now you’re standing in a tub of tomato soup -

    Elvis: Tomato juice.

    Puck: No one knows the difference.

    Lupin: Lupin here, with an eye witness to the beating who claims to know the skunk!

    Tommy: Louie? Yeah, I know him! Louie’s great if you don’t startle him!

    Louie: Hey, I get startled!

    Man: Bath time, you big goofball!