Definition of adventure: Somebody else in deep s**t, far, far away.
Kanye West and Joe Biden have both said that they want to run in 2020. They both have about the same chance of winning.
My wife was out of town once and I decided to “help” her by washing the dishes. The bottle clearly said “Dishwashing Detergent”. Attack Of The Suds Monster!
Middle Age is when you can finally afford all the stuff you don’t want anymore.
Any excuse is a good enough excuse to get another cat.
Looks like she has men figured out.
I was in San Francisco during the Summer of Love. (I was in the Navy and engaged to my wife.) She said, “All these kids, living on the street, doing drugs and dropping out of society — what’s going to happen to them? What will they be doing in 30 years?” I made one prediction in my life that turned out absolutely right. I said, “They’ll all be stockbrokers and insurance salesmen.”
We once had a kitty named Astrophe. (That was her last name; her first name was “Cat”) Whenever my wife was not at home, she would wander through the house calling “Where aaaare you? Where aaaare you?”
Tigers spend time in water because they’re actually cold-climate animals. They’re native to Siberia and the Himalayas. Some of them wandered down into India millennia ago, and they spend their whole life trying to cool off.
Why does half the human race have its internal thermostat set wrong? (Not saying which half…)