Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for May 12, 2014
a brief history of mother's day presented by the maternal association of american matriarchs (maam) the ancient medeans celebrated the feast of progenitrix, when the goddess maw was propitiated with flowers, gift baskets, stacks of neatly folded clean laundry & promises to visit more often. mother's day in its modern form was inspired by the apron string league, whose demonstrations in the 1910's calling for a day to honor motherhood culminated in the mother riots of 1914. these prompted a shamefaced president wilson to proclaim the second sunday in may mother's day. i don't know why i bother show some respect you should be ashamed this is the thanks i get? the very idea i do and do and do for you kids thus began a golden age of motherhood, roughly 1914-1960. then, on mother's day 1961, a smartmouthed kid questioned the sanctity of motherhood, precipitating an era of shiftless-ness, bad manners & general snotnosedness. kid: so how come there's no children's day? mom: every day is children's day! wach that mouth young man! today motherhood is clearly at risk. buffeted by changing gender roles, a sluggish economy & "your mama" jokes, mom has declined to #3 in the tri-umvirate of "mom, flag & apple pie." so strike a blow for other! send her a card or better yet visit her more often. is that really so much to ask? dude: yes, maam
Buy your mom a bottle of wine, because you’re the reason she drinks.