Hey now! How’re you Ripley’s fans doing today? Did you hear that Eromlig and I are having a joke off? (I dare you to let that one go, Erom!) That’s what he says anyway. He told a golf joke and I told one the next day. He seems to’ve taken this as a challenge. I didn’t mean it as such but if he wants to look at it that way I’m going to set the bar high with the very best golf joke I know. In doing so I’m breaking a personal rule – never tell the same joke twice here. I’m sure most of you have heard it. It’s way old! I told it here a while ago. At least I think it was me. Whoever it was, this joke may be the GOAT of Golf Jokes. Of course that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong. Jesus and Moses are playing golf in Heaven when they come to the par-3 17th hole, a long carry over water to an island green. Moses tees off with a 3-wood and hits the green. Jesus takes out his 5-iron and says, “I’m going to hit a 5-iron because Arnold Palmer would hit a 5-iron from here.”would hit a 5-iron from here.”Jesus tees it up and hits a lofted iron shot that finishes 25 yards short of the green and in the water.Jesus turns to Moses and says, “How about parting the water so I can play my ball where it lies?”Moses says, “No way. You foolishly chose the wrong club because of your Arnold Palmer fantasy and I’m not going to be a party to it!”Jesus shrugs and starts walking on the water to where his ball went in. Just then, a foursome approaching the tee box sees Jesus walking on the water.One of them asks Moses, “Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?” Moses turns and says, “No, he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer!”BA DUMP BUMP! Silver Out!
That’s 68 mph sword first! They can slash, too. Very dangerous fish.
One time I was swimming at 69 miles per hour.
One time I weighed 10 pounds. One time I drank 31 bottles of soy milk in two sittings.
A shark’s sense of smell and olfactory systems are a hundred times stronger than a human’s.
May the Lord be with you.
I swear – that Silver fellow has more golf jokes than Samuli has elevator gags or Johnny Hart had desert island schtick. But two can play in that foursome…
A man comes home from the links and throws his hat down on the kitchen table. “I don’t think I’m EVER going to play golf again with Henry,” he tells his wife.
“Why? What happened today?” she asks.
“Well, tell me. Would YOU play with someone who lies about his score, loses his temper, and kicks his opponent’s ball into the water hazard?”
“No, of course not.”
“Well, neither will Henry!”
Then I guess we won’t be seeing Mike Chen at that Changsha eatery; he always makes such nice videos on his Strictly Dumpling YouTube channel of eating at such wonderful places.
But shouldn’t that man and his videos be good publicity? “You’ll love our food so much you’ll gorge yourself like this idiot does.”
Two cannibals were dining on an insomniac. Predictably enough, the wife said “This meal has upset my stomach so much I’ll probably be up all night.”
It doesn’t make sense a restaurant owner gets upset when customers eat there. “HOW DARE YOU EAT-A-MY FOOD!!”
Me and a few of the neighborhood guy’s went to an all you can eat perch fry at a local restaurant after 4 hours straight of eating the owner came out and started screaming "You guys are pigs get out of my restaurant:!’ lol !
Next time he had this special he changed the wording to “All you care to eat”
How much longer will he be able to reach the table? If he does that often, his arms will be getting shorter every day.
Is that an o-FISH-ial record?
My mother liked to tell people the story of the sailfish hanging on the wall of our house…
About 1960, maybe late ’50s (several years before I was born) she and father were on vacation in south Florida and they took a fishing charter. A lot of people never catch anything worthwhile on these trips, but soon she caught a sailfish. They’re big strong fish, so by the time she reeled it in, her arms were tired.
Then she caught a second sailfish — after bringing it in, her arms were about to fall off. It was released, and she was awarded a special engraved Zippo lighter for this.
When she caught the third one, she exclaimed “Oh no, not again”. The captain of the boat said that in all his years, he had never had a customer say Oh No when catching a sailfish.
All wars are pig wars.
Take care, may famed competition eating champion Joey “When I Belch There’s a Tsunami” Chestnord be with you, and gesundheit.
This is a true story, honest!
Way back when I was a teen there was a place called Aunt Jemima’s Kitchen that had a breakfast called The Ranch Hand Special. It consisted of juice, 3 eggs, a ham steak, all the pancakes you could eat, and all the coffee you could drink. The pancakes started with three on the plate with the eggs and ham. After that, they came three at a time. After I ordered my tenth refill, the manager came out and told me I couldn’t have any more, so I paid the bill and left. Then I walked the mile to my home and had breakfast with my mom and dad. It consisted of juice, 2 eggs, bacon, toast and coffee.
A couple of weeks later the restaurant closed.
As stated earlier it is a true story and shows how much a teenage boy can and will eat.
P.S. NO, I didn’t get sick.
P.P.S. I heard from my aunt that my cousin drank a half gallon of milk right from the container in one sitting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLkTuWdKrqY “You go home now…”
Two days in a row with “Castano” as a product name. I’m guessing that the artist wants some recognition. I’m surprised that they have to go through such lengths.
Wow! That one goes in my treasure chest of jokes!
Well, you definitely want to arrive at the buffet before that one guy!
I choose not to believe any of these
China is also banning thinking at the Olympic Games
The Pig War focused world attention on the San Juan Islands, Puget Sound and the Salish Sea. Arbitrated by the German Kaiser, the USA was given all the islands south off 49º except those parts of Vancouver Island of which all was given to the British. The American and British armies both imported rabbits to the islands for food. The rabbits got out and bred like rabbits. They also brought sheep. One of the events at the San Juan County Fair is how quickly a team can shear a sheep, process the wool and knit a certain item which I forget, with the yarn they get from that sheep. There was also a restaurant in Friday Harbor that makes the best milk based clam chowder ever, made with clams caught that morning on the beach and locally grown potatoes. Or at least it did in the before times.
NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!!!