Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for January 24, 2022

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    eromlig  8 months ago

    Tonight I’m combining golf with my favorite theme of Older Is Better:

    An old man has been paired with a young hotshot on the golf course. At the third tee, the youngster looks at the fairway and sees a large tree between him and the hole, As he mulls how he’ll get around the tree, the old man scoffs. “Why, when I was your age, I always hit my tee shot right over that tree!”

    The younger man isn’t going to be outdone by some old duffer, so he grabs his biggest iron, lines up his shot, and WHAM! hits it right into the tree.

    The older guy continues, “Of course, when I was your age, that tree was only about twelve feet tall.”

    …I’d say “Eromlig. Out!” but then I’d owe Steve Silver a royalty.

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    stevesilver48  8 months ago

    Hey now, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Fans! Once again Charlie Fogwhistle had the joke of the day with his Irishman-Englishman joke! You’re killing me! But, getting back to this nonexistent golf joke contest that Eromlig thinks we’re having, here’s a golf joke followed by a real joke just so I can live with myself.

    A golfer was having a terrible round — 20-over par for the front nine with scores of balls lost in water or rough. When his caddie coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 10th, he lost it.“You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world!” he yelled.“I doubt it,” replied the caddie, dead-pan. “That would be too much of a coincidence.” OK! Now for a real joke!

    A lawyer arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a Death Row inmate a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started in on him with "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, with his wife nagging him as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s Death Row inmate, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. “They’re not hanging Wright tonight!” she said. He whirled around and screamed, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!” BA DUMP BUMP and off I go. Here’s to a good Monday and a good week! S

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    stevesilver48  8 months ago

    ilver. Out

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    jasonsnakelover  8 months ago

    Wyan Rasson Just open the box of candy and eat it you two unless one of you has diabetes. If that’s the case, the one who doesn’t have diabetes can eat it.

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    jasonsnakelover  8 months ago

    Mama Zofokeng One time I performed 32 one handed back handsprings in a row.

    Skemi Dipper One time I bartered my way through 29 trades.

    May the Lord be with you.

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    monkeysky  8 months ago

    Pfft, call me when someone does 31 one-handed back handsprings with the SAME hand.

    Also, it should be noted that Demi is a social media influencer, which is how she was able to reach so many potential traders and find those most willing to make good trades. For example, she found someone in her area who urgently needed a snowboard, and was able to trade her used one for an expensive smart TV.

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    stevesilver48  8 months ago

    I’m thinking of the strength that Mofokeng guy must have in his deltoids and triceps.

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    stevesilver48  8 months ago

    That’s one strong mofokeng man! (Sorry. It was just too easy.)

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    Храм С.О.Д. (Templo S.U.D. ucraniano)  8 months ago

    The Wassons’ candy pieces must be dried up and stuck together after three decades unused.

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    charliefarmrhere  8 months ago

    Looks like a glove on one hand but not the other?

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    Charlie Fogwhistle  8 months ago

    Gymnastics. What a way to go.

    3 guys died and went to heaven. As they were standing in front of the Pearly Gates, St. Peter appeared before them and explained, unfortunately we have been running at full capacity and at the moment we can only let in people in who died in an especially horrific way.

    The first guy started to explain how he died. I left work early because i was sure that my wife was cheating on me and sure enough when i came home i found her lying naked on our bed and I knew the guy was hiding somewhere. I found the man hanging down from the balcony and in my rage I started to stomp on his hands but the bastard still managed to hold on. I then fetched a hammer and hit his hands as hard as I could which caused him to fall 5 stories down on a bush and somehow he was still alive. I then fetched the refrigerator from the kitchen and threw it down on him and finally the bastard died. All the rage and stress from this caused me to have a heart attack that ended up killing me.

    That sucks said St. Peter and allowed him to enter heaven. He then asked the next guy how he died and the man explained

    I was doing gymnastics on my balcony and accidentally managed to slip over the railing but I somehow managed to grab onto the balcony under mine. Then some crazy guy started to stomp on my hands and I used all my strength to hold on. He then left and came back with a hammer and started to hit me with it. I fell five stories down and by a miracle I landed on a bush and was still alive and I felt so relieved until a refrigerator fell on me and killed me instantly.

    St. Peter agreed that was indeed horrible and let him enter heaven. He then asked the third guy “you think you can top that?”

    The third guy saidI will keep this short, I was hiding inside a refrigerator.

    Until next time.

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    Pickled Pete  8 months ago

    Canadians can barter better…

    https://tinyurl.com/hydhzefw
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    tremaine53  8 months ago

    I would alternate hands, too.

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    Huckleberry Hiroshima  8 months ago

    So, they’ve eaten the candy but not the box.

    Take care, may randy hair accessory collector Ruth “I Shaved My Tom Cat Now He’s Bald And Balled” Eastheimord be with you, and gesundheit.

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    papajim555  8 months ago

    Couldn’t Zama do it with the same hand? What a sissy

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    dv1093  8 months ago

    The box of candy story is a fun thing to do. I’d like to read the entire back story on how to go from a bobby pin to a house.

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    Charlie Fogwhistle  8 months ago

    Do you know what to call a dumb gymnast?

    A flippin’ idiot.

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    Tuco  8 months ago

    Who’s Got The Ugliest Wife ?

    Hebert, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux were sitting in a bar one Saturday afternoon, when the conversation came around to who had the ugliest wife. They each bet ten dollars that they had the ugliest wife. But how to settle the bet ? They decided that the only way was to go to each other’s house and look at the three women, then they could decide who wins the bet. First they went to Hebert’s house, and he called his wife out onto the front porch. They all agreed that she was, indeed ugly. Next they went to Boudreaux’s and called Marie out. They all agreed that she was uglier than Hebert’s wife. They then went to Thibodeaux’s place, and when Thibodeaux called for Clotile to come see, she hollered back, “OK, you want me to put the sack over my head first ?” Thibodeaux yelled back, “No, Clotile, I don’t want to fool around, I just wants to win a bet !”

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    The Pro from Dover  8 months ago

    Hey! Mofo is Bofo!

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    globalenterprize1990  8 months ago

    If the house that was bartered for is in San Francisco, that is one wheeler and dealer.

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    BiathlonNut  8 months ago

    What set of jokes would be complete without politicians? To fill the gap:

    A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.

    ”We have 2 basic needs,” replied the villager. “First, we have a hospital, but no doctor.”

    On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while, he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day.

    He then asked about the second problem.

    “Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage in this village.”

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    toasted  8 months ago

    Hey! What’d you get for me this year? Let me guess, chocolate.

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    moondog42 Premium Member 8 months ago

    Eh, some sisters kept sending the same uncooked hotdog to each other for 54 years before one of them died. https://www.9news.com/article/news/local/family-frank-prank-lasts-54-years/73-344479545

    These guys gotta up their game to reach that level of prankery

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    gmu328  8 months ago

    must be palmer or russell stover chocolate …

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    stevesilver48  8 months ago

    Test. Is this a hot mic?

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