Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for May 22, 2022

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    Chihal  3 months ago

    A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.He said “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way.”The doctor told him, “I’ll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.”So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries and goes on their honeymoon.That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them. She said, “You’re the first, no one has ever touched these breasts.”He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it’s still in the CRATE!

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    stevesilver48  3 months ago

    Hey how, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!Comic Fans! Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral. As the last attendees left, Sam’s wife, Rose, turned to her oldest friend, Grace, and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”“I’m sure you’re right” replied Grace, who knew about Sam’s request. She leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper and said, “Tell me, how much did this all really cost?” “All of it.” said Rose. “The whole 50,000.” “No!” Grace exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $50,000? Really?” Rose nodded and said, “The funeral was $6500. I donated $500 to the church for the priest services. The food and drinks were another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone.” Grace computed quickly: “$42,500 for a memorial stone? Exactly how big is that stone?” Rose said with a smile, “Seven and a half carats.” BA DUMP BUMP! Silver, out!

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  3. Another pic of chi  in need of a shave   3 3 2015
    Chihal  3 months ago

    A woman was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious!

    She stormed past the store to her work.On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

    The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.

    When the lady walked past the store that day after work theparrot called to her, “Hey lady.”

    She paused and said," Yes?"

    The bird said, “You know.”

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    jasonsnakelover  3 months ago

    One time I was 16.4 million light years big. One time I was 161 times wider than the Milky Way.

    One time I had $900,001.

    One time I had $300,001.

    Thousands of years of domestication have led to house cats’ brains becoming smaller.

    May the Lord be with you.

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    monkeysky  3 months ago

    I can’t say I’m impressed by ShlOms’s work, considering they themselves make and sell NFTs. I’m fully capable of calling out the faults of crypto-culture through the comparatively low-impact medium of GoComics comments, and without compromising my own artistic integrity by asking anyone to pay for or “own” them.

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    eromlig  3 months ago

    My wife calls me a “weird magnet” because weird things keep happening to me, and, while perhaps not all that weird, I hereby relate another True Story:

    Like everyone, I get my share of spam. And now I get much MORE than my share, because when I recently received an email with the subject “Throbbing coOk” (does it really fool the algorithms to use a capital letter in the middle of a word – or use incorrect spellings?) I knew what they were driving at. But with that line – Throbbing coOk – I couldn’t resist; I just had to respond. So I wrote “My chauffeur has palsy. Does that count?”

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    monkeysky  3 months ago

    As impressive as that galaxy is, does anyone else think 160x seems like a sort of small difference on a cosmic scale? I feel like it’s like comparing a walnut and a grain of sand in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

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    Bilan  3 months ago

    Obviously the Pikachu collector thought he gotta catch ’em all.

    That artist has a problem with greed himself if he thinks he needs to waste $300,000 just to make a silly statement.

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    A Common 'tator  3 months ago

    Does anyone know the name of the monument depicted in the English storms factoid ?

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    therese_callahan2002  3 months ago

    Another thing that’s wider than the Milky Way is a 3 Musketeers.

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    Flynn White Premium Member 3 months ago

    Son: “… how do you get to that galaxy, Dad?”

    Dad: “Son, you planet.”

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    Huckleberry Hiroshima  3 months ago

    Yes but is it wider than an Almond Joy.

    Take care, may giggling storm tracker Geoffrey “I Live A Life Of Danger So I’m Special And Wonderful And Stuff Just Ask Me I’ll Tell You” O’Lookyord be with you, and gesundheit.

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    James Wolfenstein  3 months ago

    Why are we calling them “artists?”

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    Tuco  3 months ago

    The biggest swindler in the world dies and finds himself before the gates of Heaven and St. Peter, who says, “Come on in man!” Confused, the swindler questions, “But I thought I would be going to Hell for all of the bad things I did.” St. Peter replies, “Oh, we don’t keep records here, it’s too much work!” The swindler goes in, and is once again surprised to see tons of beautiful girls whipping themselves. He asks St. Peter, “Why are they doing that?” St. Peter answers, “Ah, those are all of our virgins. They just found out we don’t keep records, too!”

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    markhughw  3 months ago

    Oms probably took out and sold the engine, transmission and replaced tires before blowing up the Lamborghini.

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    PaulAbbott2  3 months ago

    And a Honus Wagner baseball card that was torn in two sold for over $457,000.

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    FassEddie  3 months ago

    A pal in the Netherlands lost 25% of his roof during Eunice.

    oof.

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    joefearsnothing  3 months ago

    Steve’s funeral story reminds me of this one! A Jewish Lady has just had her husband cremated and as she leaves the memorial with the canister containing his remains, her lady friends say “Miriam would you like for us to come be with you in your time of grief?” Miriam says “Thank you all but, I really just want to be alone with Isadore!” So the friends give her a hug and depart! Miriam takes off her fur coat, picks up his ashes, pours a little in her hand and says “Izzy you cheap bastard you know that fur coat you were too cheap to buy me?” " Well I bought the most expensive one I could find, and the trip to Europe that you wouldn’t spring for? well I sail tomorrow morning for London then on to Paris and finally finish up for a glorious week in Rome!" “And oh yeah you know that (back rub) you always wanted me to give you?” “Well here it is…..poof!”I got nothing to say after that!

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    sgilliam  3 months ago

    “Space is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.” The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Douglas Adams

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    paranormal  3 months ago

    That Eunice is a real Witch!!!

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    petermerck  3 months ago

    I’d just drive around in the lambo with a contemptuous look on my face.

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    dv1093  3 months ago

    So, I get it. The “theme” today is February, 2022.

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    Charlie Fogwhistle  3 months ago

    Tokens, fungible and otherwise.

    In the 1960s, it had become pretty hip to include one or two (but only one or two) minorities in a Hollywood movie.

    One studio always put just one male minority in each of their movies as a diversity hire. You know, the clerk at a convenience store, some guy in the background, one of the protagonist’s lesser of many friends. Someone who wouldn’t get a lot of screen time, and would probably die first.

    During a 1969 production, one of the non-minority actors got a bad case of athlete’s foot near the start of filming. By the next week, three more had it. At the end of the month the number had grown to also include the male lead and half the camera crew. They had to shut down production for a brief period because almost everyone had this danged athlete’s foot.

    Almost everyone.

    “What’s the deal with him?” asked the director, gesturing towards the one minority actor. “What is he, immune or something? Why didn’t he get athlete’s foot?”

    The casting director shrugged. “I guess he’s a non-fungible token.”

    Until next time.

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    Stephen Gilberg  3 months ago

    So you could trade a trading card for three Lamborghinis?

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    moondog42 Premium Member 3 months ago

    In today’s cryptocurrency market, that car is worth $5

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    RalphKramden77  3 months ago

    Some people have more dollars than sense.

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    WestofthePecan Premium Member 3 months ago

    Storm Eunice? That’s history, not something to believe or not.

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    Jason Scarborough  3 months ago

    Maybe I’m just not “Artistic” enough to get it, but, blowing up a Lambo doesn’t sound like it connects to greed in Crypto culture. An expensive car is an expensive car no matter how you got the money for it.

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