Hey now, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Comic Here’s one that I can only hope Eromlig wasn’t thinking of haha!
A guy approached a priest to request a funeral for his dog. The priest explained he couldn’t do that, but the man insisted. “Sorry, why don’t you ask the Protestant minister across the street?” says the priest.“That’s too bad, Father,” said the disconsolate man as he was leaving. “There was going to be a thousand dollar stipend.”The priest stopped him: “Why didn’t you tell me your dog was Catholic?” _BA DUMP BUMP! _ and Silver Out! Good night Mr Eromlig wherever you are!
The air traffic control tower lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower’s land-line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot, who lost communication, was on a cellular phone and yelling: “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! The pilot just had a fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket because he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph….Mayday, Mayday!”
The tower, immediately, put him on speaker phone and the Controller spoke, “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm”!
The Controller then asked, “How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet”?
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me”.
Controller: “Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you’re flying upside down”?
Aircraft: “The sh*t in my pants is running out of my shirt collar”.
Sam Shuster went straight into college after many years of studying in only a yeshiva (rabbinic seminary). His parents were concerned that he might not have the necessary background in the humanities but he was confident.
He came to class at the end of the semester for his philosophy final exam where the students had all prepared from their vast array of assignments and readings.
Their eccentric professor gave a one-question final exam. He picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased and notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. Sam, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how Sam could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written anything at all. They asked Sam what answer he employed and he responded that it only contained two words:
Petting my Siamese cat, Bucky, is definitely hypotensive. More so maybe when he purrs. That all changes quickly though when he suddenly gives me a love bite to the bone. Thank goodness my terriers don’t do the love bite thing.
I think it works both ways in that our touch lowers THEIR blood pressure, too.
What can that do to the cat or dog’s blood pressure? What can holding a snake do to either the snake or the owner’s blood pressure?
May the Lord be with you.
Could someone please get the skinny on that Marcel Pohl kid? Whaddaya mean he graduated too soon? Do they do college differently in Germany than we do here? I’d look it up myself but I gotta run an errand. ’Scuse.
Where does one even find such a plant with such a watery feature?
My doctor couldn’t understand that even though I am morbidly obese I NEVER suffered from high blood pressure. I told them I have a dog that I hug loads of times a day. She smiled and said "that would certainly help’. But it’s true, if you hug your dog or cat, you can just feel the stresses of the day flow away and all is right with the world. They really are amazing.
it’s dogs like this one that give fleas a bad name…..
Maybe a better name would be “Wet T-Shirt Flower”.
I sure wish they could pet/scratch back ! ( actually they do – purring & whining – unconditional love in their own way ! )
Sitting in their play area with my chinchillas lowers my BP
what is it to a school that they lose a few years worth of tuition? They could have gotten SO many new students by claiming the prestige of being the alma matter of the genius Marcel Pohl, instead they did the stupid thing and now new students will know this school tries to hold back the exceptional so they can milk them for more cash.
I’m of the opinion that being nice to any living thing can lower one’s blood pressure.
Take care, may relied upon cornball Fred “When I Look In The Mirror I See You” Rogersord be with you, and gesundheit.
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants. “Well,” he says, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s the night. We’re having dinner with her parents and then we’re going out. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack!” The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he may give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.” He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”
And petting your dog instead of watching the Evening News can really lower your blood pressure!
EVERYBODY knows that thing about pets and blood pressure.That’s no “unusuality”.
Find out what hot dogs are really made of.And then DON’T TELL ME!!
I just got an E-Mail message today from a friend telling everyone he’s safe. “I got robbed this morning, but didn’t get shot or stabbed.” He flagged down a police car that was passing to report the crime. As the cop was filling out the paperwork he told him “this has been happening allot around here these days.” “Yeah… He just cleaned out my wallet and not a thank you or anything. The cop asked him if he could identify the robber, he said “Hell yes, I can see him from here, that’s him across the street in the Shell station parking lot, he’s wearing yellow and red, and his name is Pump Number Two.”
Sasha likes if I have my robe on. It’s soft terrycloth, she rubs all over it while I pet her, & you can hear her purring from several feet away.
Back in the day of small general stores, the grocer at one store would regularly rearrange the shelves to place the most popular items on the lower shelves in the front of the store, and the least popular items on the very highest shelves in the back.
A gorgeous young woman worked at the grocery store to climb a ladder to get items down from the top shelf. Because she is so attractive, a lot of men who come to the grocery store ask her for items from the highest shelves just so they can see up her skirt when she climbs the ladder.
Today the top shelf item is Raisin Bread. She has climbed the ladder nearly 2 dozen times to get raisin bread for the young men, when an old man comes walking down the bread aisle. “Excuse me, sir,” she asks. “Is yours raisin too?”
Looking up at her, he replies “Nope, but it sure is twitchin’ a mite.”
Until next time.
I guess there’s a price for being “too smart”.