Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for July 03, 2022

  1. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  5 months ago

    Hey now Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!Comic readers! How’s it going tonight and who’s up for an Amish joke? That might be a first for this page, huh?An Amish guy was injured when he and his horse were struck by a car at an intersection. The Amish guy sued the driver. In court he was cross-examined by the driver’s lawyer. The lawyer asked, “You’ve told us all about your injuries but according to the accident report you told the investigating officer at the scene that you were not injured at all. Can you explain that?” The Amish guy said, “Well, when the officer arrived at the scene, he first looked at my horse. He said ‘Looks like he has a broken leg.’ and then he took out his gun and shot him dead. He then came up to me and asked me how I was doing. Of course I immediately said ’I’m fine!’” BA DUMP BUMPSilver, Out! Got a barn raising in the A.M.

     •  Reply
  2. Avatar92
    Charlie Fogwhistle  5 months ago

    Any glue experts who can help me?

    I needed to attach a velvet Elvis painting to a pink flamingo lawn ornament, so I grabbed a bottle of contact cement. The instructions said to apply to both surfaces and wait until they’re no longer tacky before putting them together. That was 6 months ago, and they’re still tacky. How much longer do I need to wait?

    Until next time.

     •  Reply
  3. 205902c7 40fb 4bbe 8c7e 79a7c01f3861
    jasonsnakelover  5 months ago

    Tangela Ortorice One time I was 26,201 miles big.

    Saturn is haunted.

    Los Angeles citizens eat the most hot dogs of every city in the world.

    May the Lord be with you.

     •  Reply
  4. Photo
    30  5 months ago

    The 1,000 marathon item is a bit hard to swallow. Not sure the human body can hold up for a 26.2 mile run at the frequency required like say a 100 marathons per year for 10 years. Then you have the issue of where do you find a marathon to run every 3.6 days. They don’t seem all that common in my surrounds.

     •  Reply
  5. Cyan
    monkeysky  5 months ago

    The new cell (respiratory airway secretory cell) are interesting, since they actually serve two important functions. Normally, they secrete fluid to keep the internal surfaces of your lungs wet (very important for survival), but under certain conditions they can permanently change into a different type of cell which repairs tissue damage.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respiratory_airway_secretory_cell

     •  Reply
  6. Coyote
    eromlig  5 months ago

    Tonight I’m combining golf with my favorite theme of Older Is Better. If you’ve seen it, I hereby offer you BY FAR your most recent opportunity to re-enjoy it:

    An old man has been paired with a young hotshot on the golf course. At the third tee, the youngster looks at the fairway and sees a large tree between him and the hole, As he mulls how he’ll get around the tree, the old man scoffs. “Why, when I was your age, I always hit my tee shot right over that tree!”

    The younger man isn’t going to be outdone by some old duffer, so he grabs his biggest iron, lines up his shot, and WHAM! hits it right into the tree.

    The older guy continues, “Of course, when I was your age, that tree was only about twelve feet tall.”

    …I’d say “Eromlig. Out!” but then I’d owe Silver a royalty.

     •  Reply
  7. Bluedog
    Bilan  5 months ago

    Any frequency can be translated into sound, including light. Is that all they’re talking about?

     •  Reply
  8. 2
    Kevin @ 32179 Premium Member 5 months ago

    Earth would be emitting S O S

     •  Reply
  9. Bananaslug3
    SWCarter  5 months ago

    You can listen to all of the planets here:

    https://www.classicfm.com/music-news/videos/listen-eerie-sound-planets-mars-solar-system/

     •  Reply
  10. Missing large
    theincrediblebulk  5 months ago

    I’m guessing Earth’s song sounds like a warning signal to begin with the “Stay away. Infested with humans. Stay away.” then the warning sound and the message just keeps repeating.

     •  Reply
  11. 20160717 134601 resized
    Tuco  5 months ago

    Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning.It was a fine spring day in his new parish.He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was . . . a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.The conversation went like this: “Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”“And the best of the day to yerself . This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. There’s a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?”Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!” There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . .Father O’Malley then replied:“Aye,’ tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call”.

     •  Reply
  12. Missing large
    James Wolfenstein  5 months ago

    Isn’t that new cell called the COVID virus? :D

     •  Reply
  13. Huckandfish
    Huckleberry Hiroshima  5 months ago

    And rather flamboyant they are, as we humans pretend we’re not all planetary ghosts on borrowed time as we run our life-long marathon with our temporarily functioning cells.

    Take care, may grinning nihilist Jean-Paul “The One In The Mirror Seems To Know Something I Do Not” Sartrord be with you, and gesundheit.

     •  Reply
  14. Missing large
    Nala the Great  5 months ago

    My only question is has any one on earth heard a “Ghost Choir” sing?

     •  Reply
  15. Mime attachment
    cactusbob333  5 months ago

    A group of vultures is called a lawyers convention.

     •  Reply
  16. Greg backlit
    mindjob  5 months ago

    For all you Prog fans, Eerie Ghost Choir is how I’d describe the music of the German band Magma

     •  Reply
  17. Missing large
    LAFITZGERALD  5 months ago

    I appreciate the Flamboyance of Flamingos even though I despise the color pink (yech)!!

     •  Reply
  18. Ximage
    Jogger2  5 months ago

    Others have run 1,000 marathons. Angela Tortorice’s accomplishment stands out because, at age 54, she became the youngest woman to achieve that.

     •  Reply
  19. Bd7b74a6 fdfc 4d08 a704 292313aadcaf
    sdjamieson Premium Member 5 months ago

    Scientists know what an eerie ghost choir sounds like?

     •  Reply
  20. Me kindergarten  2
    finnygirl Premium Member 5 months ago

    Hey, you folks who are questioning the “eerie ghost choir” must not have watched as many scary movies as I did as a kid. :-)

     •  Reply
  21. Capture
    BRI-NO-MITE!! Premium Member 5 months ago

    I Googled it. To me Saturn sounded like wind.

     •  Reply
  22. Missing large
    pbr50138  5 months ago

    Who names the “groups of animals” anyway?

     •  Reply
Sign in to comment

More From Ripley's Believe It or Not