Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for July 30, 2022

  1. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  4 months ago

    Hey now, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Comic Fans! I meant to give big ups to Florida for being among the states that permit breaking into a hot car to rescue a pet. Speaking of FL do you think there might be a drag queen in South Beach calling herself Rhonda Santis?

    Now here’s another set of musical celebrity quips:

    “There’s more evil in the pop charts than an Al Qaida suggestion box.” Bill Bailey

    “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”

    Steve Martin

    “Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”Groucho Marx

    “U2’s lawyers work pro Bono.” Shmuel Breban. Groan!!!

    “I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent, they kicked me out for panhandling.” Jay London

    “If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted and musicians denoted.”George Carlin

    “We idolized The Beatles, except for those of us who idolized The Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.” Dave Barry

    “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”Dave Lee Roth, Van Halen

    “Could the people in the cheaper seats, clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.”John Lennon at The Royal Variety Performance, 1963

    “Not seeing my physician for 20 years was one of those phobias that really didn’t pay off.” Warren Zevon

    BA DUMP BUMP! OK! See you in 20! Don’t forget to tip your bartenders and waitresses! Silver. Out!

     •  Reply
  2. Another pic of chi  in need of a shave   3 3 2015
    Chihal  4 months ago

    The teacher of a first grade class announced that, if they wanted to, each child would be given the opportunity to tell about one special gift they had received for Christmas.

    The first little girl stood and said "I got a bow-wow from my Daddy.”

    The teacher addressed the class and sternly told them that they were certainly old enough to know and use the correct names for things, and that she didn’t want to hear any more baby talk. She then asked the little girl if she could think of another word for her gift, one that grown-ups would use.

    The little girl replied, “I got a puppy-dog from my Daddy.”The teacher praised her lavishly and went on to the next child, a boy.

    “I got a choo-choo for Christmas.” he beamed.

    Again the teacher chided the tyke, and asked him to think of another name to describe his gift.

    “I got an electric Train for Christmas!” he said after mulling it over.

    The teacher praised him for his efforts.

    The next little boy, a normally very quiet kid, stood, said “I got a book” and sat down.

    Seeing an opportunity to draw him out a little, the teacher asked “And what was the title of your book?”

    The little guy hesitated, and then, with a serious face and a knitted brow, began obvious mental efforts. After a couple of minutes of deep thinking his face brightened and he replied, “Winnie The S**t.”

     •  Reply
  3. 205902c7 40fb 4bbe 8c7e 79a7c01f3861
    jasonsnakelover  4 months ago

    One time I was 27 seconds old and had a huge birth second party.

    What’s weird about that fact about the moon is that when it’s a full moon, it looks round to me.

    May the Lord be with you as He is with me.

     •  Reply
  4. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  4 months ago

    “A Lemon Moon” sounds romantic somehow. It also sounds like the latest drink at the Tiki Bar.

     •  Reply
  5. Missing large
    David_the_CAD  4 months ago

    The pulsating is the heart beat of the world.

    Start treating your mother (Mother Earth) better.

     •  Reply
  6. 8d4e8ad6 4494 4665 8009 edd51c3035f8
    Храм С.О.Д. (Templo S.U.D. ucraniano)  4 months ago

    so has Tom ever caught Jerry? how long they’ve been in orbit anyway?

     •  Reply
  7. Another pic of chi  in need of a shave   3 3 2015
    Chihal  4 months ago

    BTW, almost every time Tuco posts one of his hysterical jokes about Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, I want to open a separate window at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-BQpRqmwM0 and play the Hank Williams classic, Jambalaya (On the Bayou).

    If GC allows links to music, this post (I hope) won’t get deleted.

     •  Reply
  8. 144873 avatar
    kingdiamond69  4 months ago

    Sure does not look lemon shaped in the night sky?

     •  Reply
  9. Bluedog
    Bilan  4 months ago

    No planet or moon is perfectly spherical.

     •  Reply
  10. Tenor  1
    Binky Premium Member 4 months ago

    It pulses every 26 seconds because of all the crap humans do to it… IMO

     •  Reply
  11. Avatar92
    Charlie Fogwhistle  4 months ago

    An environmentalist was giving a speech and told his audience that if we continue on our present course all life on earth will be gone in 50 years.

    A member of the audience jumped to his feet and cried out in panic, “What? What did you say?!”

    The environmentalist solemnly repeated, “I said if we continue the way we are now going, that every man, woman, and child on earth will be gone in fifty years.”

    The man sat down in relief and said, “Oh, thank God. I thought you said fifteen years.”

    Until next time.

     •  Reply
  12. Shawn s helmet
    Shawn Black Premium Member 4 months ago

    the pulsating is coming from the people who drive around in their cars with the bass turned up to max on the radio……

     •  Reply
  13. Missing large
    therese_callahan2002  4 months ago

    Oddly, I don’t feel the Earth move under my feet, or even see the sky tumbling down.

     •  Reply
  14. Animal bird feathers 158087
    jimchronister2016  4 months ago

    This is Great Steve, lets have some more! And have a great day, Jim

     •  Reply
  15. Huckandfish
    Huckleberry Hiroshima  4 months ago

    When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. Or that’s well rum.

    Take care, may the singing half of Martin and Lewis Dean “Memories Are Made Of Nerve End Ganglia And Brain Synapses If You’re Lucky” Martinord be with you, and gesundheit.

     •  Reply
  16. Missing large
    JaneCl  4 months ago

    Rearrange the letters in EARTH and you’ll get HEART.

     •  Reply
  17. Captain smokeblower
    poppacapsmokeblower  4 months ago

    So the moon is lemon shaped, the Earth is pear shaped, and we’re nuts. We live in a giant fruit salad. Beware, the end time Jello mold is coming.

     •  Reply
  18. Fb img 1509486198333
    e.groves  4 months ago

    I had to use my phone’s GPS yesterday and it alerted me to a speed trap ahead. I didn’t know they did that.

     •  Reply
  19. Avatar92
    Charlie Fogwhistle  4 months ago

    The following seems to be on topic, though I’m pretty sure it’s been posted before:

    A flat-Earther dies and goes to heaven, and is met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

    “You’ve lived your life free from sin and because of this, we welcome you into heaven my child” says Saint Peter.

    The flat-Earther breathes a sigh of relief and starts to make his way through the gates of heaven. Before he is about to enter he turns to Saint Peter and asks,“I’ve got to know, is the earth flat or round?”

    Saint Peter laughs and responds,“It’s round I’m afraid my child."

    A look of shock comes over the flat-Earther’s face, then the look of realisation.

    “Huh, I see.” says the flat-Earther.

    “This conspiracy goes higher than I thought.”

    Until next time.

     •  Reply
  20. Large screenshot 2022 09 14 2.20.20 pm
    Snuffles [Previously Helikitty]   4 months ago

    Why does Tom wear gloves?

     •  Reply
  21. Large img 20220915 192523 684
    magicfever495  4 months ago

    From Emo Phillips

    I told my mom she needed to keep her hands out of my drawers.

    She ask me why, I told her because it tickles.

     •  Reply
  22. Img 1610
    WCraft Premium Member 4 months ago

    So, every 26 seconds someone, on an island, needs to enter the code: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42 – to keep the earth from exploding?

     •  Reply
  23. Avatar92
    Charlie Fogwhistle  4 months ago

    I don’t know if this is true or not (I’d guess not), but it’s funny.

    In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.

    ‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.

    ‘We are here as a part of a research expedition that will very soon travel to explore the Moon!’

    ‘The Moon?! Hmm… could you then do me a favor?’

    ‘What do you want?’

    ‘Well, the people of my tribe believe that holy spirits live on the Moon. I was wondering if you could pass an important message to them from my people.’

    ‘What’s the message?’

    The man uttered something in his tribal language, and then asked the astronauts to repeat it again and again until they had memorized it correctly.

    ‘What does it mean?’ asked the astronauts.

    ‘Oh, I cannot tell you. It’s a secret that only our tribe and the moon spirits are allowed to know.’

    The astronauts were intrigued with the secret message, so when they returned to their base they searched and searched until they finally found one Native American who could speak the old man’s tribal language and translate the message.

    When they repeated the message they had memorized, the translator started to laugh his as* off.

    ‘Why are you laughing man, what does the message say?’

    ’It says – Don’t believe a single word these people are telling you. They have come to steal your lands.’

    Until next time.

     •  Reply
  24. Missing large
    watcheratthewell  4 months ago

    Pulses at what frequency?

     •  Reply
  25. 20160717 134601 resized
    Tuco  4 months ago

    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’” and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.” “Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?” St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “OH, COME ON!,” St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest and now you want me to find a lawyer?

     •  Reply
  26. Avatar92
    Charlie Fogwhistle  4 months ago

    Planet Earth has been hit by a few asteroids that probably caused it to ring like a bell, like the one that wiped out the dinosaurs. Maybe the pulsing is the remnant of the vibrations caused by such an asteroid.

     •  Reply
  27. Missing large
    PPMKS  4 months ago

    The earth pulsates because every object that has mass and weight no matter how small or large have a resonant frequency.

     •  Reply
  28. 100 2451
    RonBerg13 Premium Member 4 months ago

    That’s easy.

    The Earth is actually one of many Galactic Beacons used by interGalactic travelers to calculate their location within the Galaxy.

    The Earth was created billions of years ago by alien engineers, who placed a pulsating mechanism deep with the Earth’s core.

    There are many, many worlds throughout the Galaxy that have these pulsating mechanisms.

    The initial strength, length, and amplitude of the pulse is the guide to were you are within the Galaxy.

    There is a Galactic pulse manual that can be used to triangulate where you are by the length, amplitude, and strength of the pulse.

    The pulse’s initial strength decreases by distance from the source.

    The manual shows position for your intergalactic craft by the detected signal strength, along with the length and amplitude of the pulse.

    Pretty neat, huh?

     •  Reply
  29. 533e
    oish  4 months ago

    Now I’m craving a lemon moon pie

     •  Reply
  30. Missing large
    Caeruleancentaur  4 months ago

    That looks like more than a “slight” bulge to me.

     •  Reply
  31. Aoh14giudznroy2j08qubpsiylura11wm8xkpkiqs3nmhw=s96 c
    JohnShirley1  4 months ago

    And i just want to say boy is the artist exaggerating the moon’s lemon shape. The Earth, according Asimov, is slightly pear-shaped. Now I have to look up this business about the pulse that goes through the world every 26 seconds. It might be caused by moms getting mad at their sons, I dunno.

     •  Reply
  32. 20170620 140528
    "Doon the Watter" on the Waverley  4 months ago

    Several plausible explanations can be found for Earth’s 26-second pulsation. Among them is the cover-up to a decades old murder:

    https://xkcd.com/2344/

    (if for some reason it doesn’t show search: xkcd + 26-second pulse)

     •  Reply
  33. Missing large
    azardoz  4 months ago

    All Planet Sounds From Space (In our Solar System)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQL53eQ0cNA

     •  Reply
  34. Missing large
    marc rossi Premium Member 4 months ago

    I’d like to know why NASA spent a huge part of their budget on 2 satellites that chase each other.

     •  Reply
  35. Missing large
    aussie399 Premium Member 3 months ago

    Earth is the same as the moon. In fact, all planets are.If you were able to stand on/in the water at the poles and the equator, at the same distance from the earth’s centre, you would be on the surface at the poles and considerably under water at the equator. Badly put, but I hope you get what I mean

     •  Reply
Sign in to comment

More From Ripley's Believe It or Not