Hey now Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Comic Gang! Ready for some church humor? Why not, right? A man went to confession for the first time in a while. He got right into it. “Forgive me father for I have sinned”. “What have you done?” asked the priest. “A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, it started to rain. Hard. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. It was me and the librarian. One thing led to another and we ended up doing – you know – things.” The priest said, “Well, it’s a sin but it’s not that bad. You’re young. Say 5 Hail Marys and it will be forgiven”.The guy said, It gets worse, Father. A few days later my elderly neighbor asked me to help her with her computer. Her husband was hospitalized and she couldn’t send an email to her son. I went over and fixed the problem but just when I was ready to leave, it started pouring again and I had to wait. One thing led to another and I ended up doing bad things with the lady!” the man cried. The priest said, “Well that’s a tough one but still. Say 15 Hail Marys and you will be forgiven.” said the priest. “Oh I’m afraid the worst is still ahead” cried the man. “Yesterday I went to the barber. I was his last client that day. As soon as he finished and was about to close the shop rain started pouring down so intensely, I had to wait it out with him. One thing led to another and I ended up doing nasty things with him, too!" the man cried. “Oh dear, it’s worse than I thought!” said the priest. “So what should I do Father?” the man asked. “For starts" answered the priest, “you should get the heck out of here before it starts raining!!!” _BA DUMP BUMP!_ Silver. Out!Remember. Dominosonmondaybingosontuesday!
You can make a diamond from peanut butter but can you play a phonograph album with a peanut.
I had a morning dream about Australian nickles [don’t ask, it was really stupid]. So I opened the wiki to learn about their currency, and found out that their folding money was polyester not paper and that the different denominations were of different lengths [same width].
Scientists can turn nearly anything organic (carbon based) into diamonds because of the high volume of carbon. Now, turning diamonds into peanut butter would be a trick!
How big of a diamond can I get if a scientist turns one BJ’s-sized container of PB into a diamond? Just want to know if it’s worth it. Because I would take it turn around and hawk it. But I’ve also heard the human body also contains a very small amount of gold. But hardly enough to cash in on. You’d have to dig up a lot of graves to get enough to be worth it. So if you have to buy 500 containers of PB just to get half a carat, that’s definitely no good.
$1 coins and $2 bills are great revenge on annoying cashiers
I’d like a dliamond and jelly sandwich please. Heh heh… yes I’m serious.. HEY.. PUT DOWN THAT ROLLING PIN.. AAARRRGGGHH…
Take care, may rampant machine Thokketah-Thokketah “We Can Only Do What You Tell Us To Do And You Don’t Always Know What You’re Telling Us To Do” Screechord be with you, and gesundheit.
I used to get $2 bills from the bank when I’d get cash out and use them, but I eventually stopped because it was just too much of a hassle getting cashiers to take them at some stores. One objection they’d have was that there was no designated place for $2 bills in their cash drawer.
Peanut butter is a girl’s best friend!
$2 bill, Race track money.
$1 and $2 coins in Canada. Costs too much to use paper.
Harvey Dent has cornered the market on$2.00 bills.
No fair butting in on Superman’s specialty of squeezing coal into diamonds.
Harpo Marx wrote in his memoirs that when he visited Russia in 1933,a poker game came to a halt because Russian Rubles were so paper-thin that they literally wore out after being passed around the table several times.
How did William Bullock get killed by the web rotary press?
I have a silver certificate one-dollar bill. It was in some change years ago. I think it’s from 1957.
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans, wearing sunglasses.Saint Peter addresses the cool guy first, “Who are you so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Boudreaux, retired airline pilot from New Orleans”.
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to Boudreaux, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.” Boudreaux goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it’s the priest’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.”Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
“Just a minute,” says the good Father. ”That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?”
“Up here, we go by results,” says Saint Peter. ”When you preached, people slept. When that guy flew, people prayed!”
I really wish (due to inflation and common sense) they would infuse those $2 bills into circulation. Maybe stop printing dollar bills for about six months and replace them with the two dollar bills. I think it would really help everyone.
There is a man in Dickinson ND named Bill. He gives random children $2 bills. They call him Two Dollar Bill. He has quite a reputation. If your name is Bill, you have a chance to bless and teach the young of our society with this opportunity.
bullock very ironic name….see UK
Just like Doctor Frankenstein.
So, one day we’ll see Jiffy Peanut Butter Diamonds???
Peanut butter joke supply is quite thin, and of those, over half are based on Pb being the chemical symbol for Lead.
But here’s a simple little ditty about peanuts.
A guy walks into a bar, and orders a round. He hears a small voice say..“You look nice today.”
A few minutes later, it’s that voice again, “That’s a nice shirt.”
The guy asks the bartender, “Who is that?”
Says the bartender, “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary!”
There’s a peanut on an airplane, and he’s chatting it up with a flight attendant. This peanut’s name is Dillon. They’re having a very intimate conversation about where they’re from and where they are in life right now. Dillon is in the middle of explaining his ethnic background when the flight attendant interrupts him and says ‘No problem Dillon we can make that happen for you’ she starts walking towards the front of the plane and motions for him to follow here.
She leads him to an open seat and asks him if this will work any better. Beyond confused, Dillon accepts his new seat as it’s a lot more spacious but asks the flight attendant why she moved him. “You were talking awfully quietly but you were complaining about your leg room.”
“No” says Dillon, I was explaining that I was a legume”.
Until next time.
I want to know more about how the printing press killed its inventor
Up till now I have never heard a peanut joke, maybe they never caught on. I can’t imagine why.
How did William Bullock die? The following is from Wikipedia:
In a bizarre accident, Bullock was killed by his own invention. On April 3, 1867 he was making adjustments to one of his new presses that was being installed for the Philadelphia Public Ledger newspaper. Bullock tried to kick a driving belt onto a pulley. His leg was crushed when it became caught in the machine. After a few days, he developed gangrene. On April 12, 1867, Bullock died during an operation to amputate the leg. He is buried in Union Dale Cemetery on Pittsburgh’s North Side.
This is one of the few times all three facts have surprised me. I’d been surprised enough to learn that U.S. dollar coins are still being made when I haven’t seen one in more than 20 years.
there have been a lot of people killed by their own inventions. There is a Wikipedia page dedicated to them. https://www.wikiwand.com/en/List_of_inventors_killed_by_their_own_inventions
Before Canada changed to $2 coins the bills were not prevalent in my province because of a rumour going around. During the depression politicians would bribe voters with a $2 bill or people would pay prostitutes with the bill. So if you had a $2 bill it made you look bad. Not sure if this was true, but it’s what I heard growing up.
If I could time travel (in both directions) I’d go to 1952 Vegas ( or just a local bank) and buy up as many silver dollars as I could carry (They were EVERYWHERE in Vegas back then). Come back and sell them at a profit, then repeat the operation. I’d use singles (Federal Reserve Notes) and trade them for Silver Certificates at a time when both were widely circulated), so the differences in the bills would not show up.
Or buy gold when it was $100 an ounce.
Or I could just develop the power of psychokinesis, lay $1000 on a number at the Roulette table then ‘psyckokinese’ the little ball to land on that number. Bingo—$35,000 before taxes. Now I wonder if those pit bosses behind the casino ceiling have their own psychics as a precaution.
We use $2 bills all the time in my family. We love them!! And sometimes people act like we have counterfeit money. hahaha!! They’ve never heard of or seen a $2 bill before. Cracks us up!