Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for August 17, 2022

  1. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  4 months ago

    Hey now Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Comic Fans. Here’s one I absolutely didn’t see coming: A guy wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to toe.A doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. You probably don’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the interstate. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but your member was severed and we couldn’t find it.” The guy groans in despair but the doctor goes on. “We now have the technology to build you a new one.” he says. The guy perks up a bit. “They function well”, the doctor says, “but they’re expensive. Roughly $2000 per inch. How many inches you want is up to you of course but here’s something to take into consideration. You’ve been married for some time. This might be something you should discuss with your wife. Let’s say you were five inches before and got nine now. She might be uncomfortable with that. If you were nine before and you opted for five now, she might be uncomfortable with that, too. I think It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make this decision.” The guy agrees to talk it over with his wife.The doctor comes back the next day and asks, “So, have you spoken with your wife?” “Yes I have,” says the guy. “And has she helped you make a decision?” “Yes she has.”, says the guy. “And what is that decision?” asks the doctor. The guy says, “We’re getting granite countertops for the kitchen.”BA DUMP BUMP and there we go! Silver. Out.

     •  Reply
  2. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  4 months ago

    Re: The fungi-based computers. Does that mean scientists are using fungi-based computers or does it mean they’re trying to invent fungi-based computers?

     •  Reply
  3. 205902c7 40fb 4bbe 8c7e 79a7c01f3861
    jasonsnakelover  4 months ago

    So does this mean we’re gonna have to use mushrooms to go on the internet?

    May the Lord be with you as He is with me.

     •  Reply
  4. Bluedog
    Bilan  4 months ago

    The fungi-based computers must be referring to the case. You certainly can’t use organic material for either semiconductors or wires.

     •  Reply
  5. 8d4e8ad6 4494 4665 8009 edd51c3035f8
    Храм С.О.Д. (Templo S.U.D. ucraniano)  4 months ago

    Wherever that one computer scientist is, they seem not like a fun guy.

     •  Reply
  6. Missing large
    tremaine53  4 months ago

    1.2 billion insects probably have roughly the same mass as a human body.

     •  Reply
  7. Avatar92
    Charlie Fogwhistle  4 months ago

    In the jungle, there’s a Soccer match between the Elephants and the Insects. By half-time the Elephants are completely dominating the insects with a score of 36 – 0.

    At the start of the 2nd half the Millipede came on for the insects and he was the best player in the whole of the jungle! When the final whistle blew it was 37 – 36 to the insects!!

    After the game the Elephant manager stomped up the insect manager and said “That millipede truly is the greatest player but why didn’t you bring him on at the start of the game?”

    The Insect manager replied “Well it takes him 45 minutes to put his boots on!”

     •  Reply
  8. Avatar92
    Charlie Fogwhistle  4 months ago

    A salesman was traveling through the country side, selling insect repellent.

    He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”

    The farmer was dubious. “Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield covered with that bug spray, and nothing else. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you. And I’ll get everyone else in the county to buy a case. We will make you rich.”

    The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake.

    Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him.

    Yet he was a total wreck!

    Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.

    The farmer was perplexed. “Son,” he said, “Now, you don’t have a bite on you but you look like Hades! What the devil happened?”

    The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked “Doesn’t that calf have a mother?”

    Until next time.

     •  Reply
  9. Huckandfish
    Huckleberry Hiroshima  4 months ago

    No wonder it’s so hard to sell insects.

    Take care, may famed adventurer Sinbad “They Only Counted Seven Of My Voyages And The Eighth Was The One Where I Had To Defeat Cedric The Entertainer” The Sailord be with you, and gesundheit.

     •  Reply
  10. Gameguy49
    Gameguy49 Premium Member 4 months ago

    Plenty of food to go around. Maybe that’s why the WEF plan is for us to be eating bugs. My plan is to thwart their plan.

     •  Reply
  11. Missing large
    theincrediblebulk  4 months ago

    It would have been nice if they had named the prehistoric elephant like creatures that may have inspired the idea of a cyclops. Guess they were tired of giving easy information for searching for more detailed information.

     •  Reply
  12. Download
    artegal  4 months ago

    I’m working on a unicorn-powered automobile. People keep saying my odds of success are slim, but I’m still trying.

     •  Reply
  13. Missing large
    yangeldf  4 months ago

    so these fungi based computers, is it like making them out of a natural plastic substitute made from fungi or are they actually using the mycelium to form networks and circuits and stuff?

     •  Reply
  14. Win 20201204 12 32 23 pro
    oakie817  4 months ago

    insect buffet!!

     •  Reply
  15. Missing large
    198.23.5.11  4 months ago

    Does this mean we’re fighting a losing battle against bugs?

    Don’t worry about Cyclops—-it’s easy to attack them from behind.

     •  Reply
  16. Greg backlit
    mindjob  4 months ago

    Everybody knows cyclopses will throw giant boulders at your ship if you sail anywhere near Greece

     •  Reply
  17. Missing large
    RalphKramden77  4 months ago

    You can have my insects

     •  Reply
  18. Greg backlit
    mindjob  4 months ago

    That’s a lot of bugs, but there are more IRS agents now

     •  Reply
  19. C4a70583 6af7 4811 8ebe e28fe9c0ca09
    AlienHillbilly  4 months ago

    Sitting in front of a computer all day turns people into fungi!!

     •  Reply
  20. 321px worf card
    Scott S  3 months ago

    Imagine hypothesizing what this animal looked like.

    https://www.pinterest.com/pin/835488168345024197/

     •  Reply
  21. Sea chapel
    6turtle9  3 months ago

    Wow. The fungi computer is fascinating. Even given my very limited knowledge of fungi and computer, it sounds like an intriguing idea to mimic the complexity and adaptability of mycelium networks for computing, especially where AI is concerned.

     •  Reply
  22. Me avatar
    rbullfogg  3 months ago

    I live in SW Georgia, I feel that there is at least a million gnats per person, not to mention all the other creeders! So I think your 1.2 billion should be 1.3 Billion!

     •  Reply
  23. Missing large
    Stephen Gilberg  3 months ago

    1.2 billion insects just for me? Gee, thanks.

     •  Reply
  24. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  3 months ago

    WOW! Tough crowd! That might’ve been your funniest yet and you only got one like? Mais Mr. Harris! Where’s the love?

    PS. I was laughing too hard to even notice you missed #7.

     •  Reply
  25. Missing large
    theoldidahofox  3 months ago

    Most of those insects are in Georgia, USA.

     •  Reply
  26. Avatar92
    Charlie Fogwhistle  3 months ago

    I would like request that my 1.2 billion insects not include any stinging, biting or blood sucking critters. Just insects with value as fish bait.

     •  Reply
  27. Giphy downsized
    Angry Indeed Premium Member 3 months ago

    That Cyclops looks more like a one-eyed, big-headed doofus vampire. Probably had bad breath, too! ;-p

     •  Reply
  28. Giphy downsized
    Angry Indeed Premium Member 3 months ago

    The artist depicted what looks to be a spider which is an arachnid, not an insect. BION.

     •  Reply
  29. Large img 20220915 192523 684
    magicfever495  3 months ago

    A Magician got a gig on a cruise ship.The captain had a parrot that always sat on his shoulder.

    After the third night the parrot started catching onto the magicians tricks, and would call out it’s up his sleeve, his assistant has it.

    That night they hit an iceberg, all died except the magician and the parrot.

    They floated on a door staring at each other for four days, when the parrot says, "Okay, I give. Where’s the Boat?

     •  Reply
Sign in to comment

More From Ripley's Believe It or Not