Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for May 21, 2005
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling John Bolton's Guide to Diplomacy Hello, my name is John bolton, nominee for Ambassador to the United Nations. Many people ask me, "John, in your new role, you'll have to be quite the DIPLOMAT. Can you help me become more diplomatic?" To which I reply: You just lost your tip, you sniveling car jockey! Now, step away from my vehicle or I'll have you Gitmoed! TACT Man: I humbly disagree with your analysis of the W.M.D. intelligence. John Bolton: I respect your independence of thought. It will serve you well when I pressure your esteemed government to demote you to its innovative Sanitation Department. GENTILITY Man: The Ambassador is looking forward to presenting his report to you and the U.N. John Bolton: Might I suggest that he present it to his ample derriere*, since that will have the same effect as putting it before this worthless institution. *Note the use of French, the language of diplomacy. STATESMANSHIP Man: China cherishes its close relationship with the United States, but cannot vote with it on this resolution. John Bolton: Ah. Perhaps the wonderful Chinese people will enjoy an even closer relationship with us -- that of enslaved population and invading force. So, if you want to be more DIPLOMATIC, cut out this guide, put it in your files, and then if Congress asks to see it, tell 'em you kindly request their presence in Hell.
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