Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 13, 2005
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling The Hard-Boiled Justice of Judge Scalia Our story thus far - JUDGE SCALIA found a baby judging in the woods and is raising him to become the perfect SUPREME COURT NOMINEE! Judge Scalia: "I trained young John Roberts in the way of the two-fisted conservative judge." Carry that water! "Of course, my friends the Founding Fathers helped." Ghost: That's right, John. When I wrote about the right to bear arms, I did intend to include semi-automatic weapons. John: Got it. "I taught..." Judge Scalia: A judge is the humble SERVANT of the Constitution's text. John: But what if the text dictates a liberal result -- like allowing a vote recount that could elect a democrat president? John Scalia: Er...but nor is he its SLAVE. "He learned..." John: Master, what paper trail should a nominee have? Judge Scalia: Conservative enough to get base support... ...but ambiguous enough to confuse liberals. "He grew..." You must be as placid as a lake when pelted with Congress' questions. John: "It is inappropriate...UNH...to comment... ...on...OOF hypothetical cases." "He strengthened..." Judge Scalia: This board is like a judicial precedent. You must tell Congress it is SOLID! But once you're a justice, it is yours to smash! "Until at last he was ready for law school." Go! Practice what I've taught you. And I'll see you on the bench in 25 years!
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