Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for March 10, 2007
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Did You Know? This week -- ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S DEATH It is every American's (and some Canadians') duty to consume as much information about Anna Nicole Smith's death as possible, given some time taken out for working, eating, and Tamagotchi maintenance. But this needn't be a grim, solemn task: here we offer many FUN FACTS about the zaftig dead beauty! Anna Nicole Smith's death now accounts for a higher percentage of the nation's G.D.P. than housing construction! When the Golf channel changed its name to the Anna Nicole Smith Can No Longer Even Theoretically Play Golf Channel, it became the last cabel network to turn over all its programming to Smith's death. Anna Nicole: Dead at 39 Larry King has actually had an Anna-Nicole-related graphic SURGICALLY ATTACHED to his rib cag! What did Anna Nicole Smith accomplish in her life? By the age of 30, Anna Nicole's hypothalamus cells had become prolific producers of SOMATOSTATIN, a peptide hormone that affects neurotransmission and cell proliferation! Her MARRIAGE and her DEATH were Anna Nicole's best and only career moves -- experts shudder to think of the media explosion that would have been her bat mitzvah! WHAT IF Anna Nicole Smith hadn't died? Technologists say that if she hadn't died, we'd right now all be living in a paradise created by the invisible army of trillions of NANOBOTS she would have invented and manufactured!
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