Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for September 29, 2007
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Attention! This space, normally occupied by a comic strip, has been appropriated this week by the United States government, the Republic of Iraq and the United Nations. President George W. Bush refused to withdraw U.S. troops from Iraq despite the will of the American and Iraqi people and governments. This is due to his monomaniacal refusal to admit defeat or failure. THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO END THIS TRAGIC STANDOFF: Convince President Bush that it is universally accepted that the Iraq War has been a success. Make copies of this announcement* and pass it on to everyone you know, but DO NOT TELL PRESIDENT BUSH ABOUT THIS! All citizens and government officials must adhere to the following procedures: U.S. citizens and officials: If you come into contact with President Bush, say: "You were so right about Iraq. Thank God you stayed the course." "I was totally wrong about everything. Please celebrate your victory in Iraq by kicking me in the posterior." U.S. media: Use the following phrases repeatedly: "The verdict of history is already in, and here it is: George W. Bush is awesome!" "Measurements for President Bush's steadfast visage on Mount Rushmore must now be taken." Iraqi citizens and officials: If interviewed or filmed for U.S. TV, say: "My hatred for my rival religious sect is now eclipsed by my love for freedom, democracy and T.G.I. Friday's new 3-Course Menu Deal!" "We were so stupid. We both thought God was on our side. Turns out God was on President Bush's side!" Saying these things may be difficult to do. But it is the only way to end the suffering, and it will only last about a year. So, act your parts well, and... DON'T TELL PRESIDENT BUSH! *This comic strip's space was chosen for this announcement because it has been determined to be the media outlet least likely to be viewed by President Bush or his immediate staff.
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