Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for September 06, 2008
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling The History of Doug Odyssey of an Unremarkable Cartoon Character The Numbing Nineties The Awkwardly-Named Aughts By the mid-'90s, Doug's stint in an obscure comic strip had run its course. Doug: So, uh...what's new? Baby: Nothin'. So Doug left to jump on the serious-artsy-historical-graphic-novel bandwagon. But I soon received an ominous message. Cat: Comrade Lenin wants to see you. But Doug's lack of any historical knowledge whatsoever caused numerous gaffes. Doug: Tell him to back off, or his buddy McCartney gets it! Cat #1: Um... Cat #2: Uh...Doug... Doug: Hello? What's Israel's number? I'm defecting! So he sought work in the less factually rigorous world of the new ultra-dark super-hero comics. Doug: I am exploring themes of vigilantism by tearing out your organs, Capt. Bad Guy! Capt. Bad Guy: URK! His forays into darker comics left him ill-prepared for a 2000 Nick Jr. pilot, which failed in focus group tests. Doug: We live in an amoral, empty, godless void, Snooks. Child: WAH! Child #2: MOMMY! And so, by 2002, Doug was reduced to slumming in webcomics. Doug: Click here for snappy t-shirts. Whale: My feet smell. But Doug's life would change in 2004 when a Hollywood executive uttered the words: "Isn't there ANY fekakta cartoon character that hasn't been optioned for a movie yet?" Doug: Hello? Yes, this is he. And so, coming next summer... Jude Law IS Doug in DOUG The Movie GIANT WOMBATS! WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF GAS!
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