Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for January 20, 2012
until the day this is all properly determined by a god-fearing american government, please cut out and laminate this flow chart to determine whether any sexual act you are considering, consensual and harming no one, is moral. sex-act morality flow chart would the act satisfy an urge placed within you by god? yes does the act exist in the 1950s tv world of "leave it to beaver:? no would the act satisfy an urge that should have been placed in you by god, but he forgot to? yes, and that conversion therapy weekend at the ramada totally worked! yes it is natural, so god wants you to do it. no it is natural, and thus animalistic, so god wants you to resist it. no it is unnatural; god placed the urge in you due to some foul-up. but... are you married to your partner? no but... are you in a loving, committed relationship with your partner? yes are you married to your partner? yes are you doing it solely for procreative purposes? no yes, i will close my eyes and think of babies. moral feel free to remove your sweater-vest. just kidding! it is or should be illegal to marry your partner. no what partner? immoral if you engage in this repulsive act, what's to stop multiple genders, species, appliances and mythical creatures from writhing naked on the floors of our places of worship, demanding to be married?
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